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Open Poetry #40
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Kerang Kerbang
| Open Poetry #40 |
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Kerang Kerbang |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia 
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*Ratleader introduced me to a new style called Cyhydedd hir (Don't aske me how to pronounce it.) It's supposed to sound like drums in the hills so may be suitable for thunder etc. However when I sat down to write the form what is foremost in my mind and therefore in the poem is a recent train crash in Kerang Victoria which claimed 12 lives. So here it is with a subject not suitable. trains rides assuring all that’s alluring travelling, touring until they crash then we awaken battered and shaken love has been taken lost in the mash hospital calling though some are falling and more are squalling helpers draw near relatives crying while some are dying there’s no denying they’re feeling fear helpers are working no one is shirking bystanders lurking ready to stop bodies recovered some of them smothered children unmothered lying on top wreckage now clearing exhaustion nearing while eyes are tearing sighs on the mews none are left waiting anticipating worry abating by evening news a good commitee can decimate communication. [This message has been edited by Sunshine (06-18-2007 07:22 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
How sadly well done, Kethry. This must have been very hard to put down, but I thank you for sharing the grief that so many of us share around this little world of ours. |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Ah, you got me right in the heart. They style is interesting to read -- the poem is devastating children unmothered lying on top You got me. Good writing. Alison |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Talent will out! This is excellent, and I think it plays right into the pace and timing of the form....and it's well worth doubling-down on the length. Strong, very strong. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I really like this, Keth. The beat keeps up all the way through. The only nit I have with it is 'irk'-- because to me an 'irk' is like a 'peeve' - a small irritation. And of course there is nothing small about a train wreck and the human tragedy. I thought the children unmothered was inspired. I really have to try this form. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Not suitable? *S* I disagree. *S* You meld a powerful story with a powerful form... with fantastic results! *S* |
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