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Open Poetry #40
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2007-05-19 07:34 PM


.


Like Northern Lights—
The hem of her long white dress
Brushing summer fields


.

© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
1 posted 2007-05-20 10:58 AM


This is so very beautiful, Sir Pawlik, I shall try hard to make one, if only good enough for reading, an antithetical "poem".  

yours is too good


Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2007-05-20 12:46 PM


Wonderful imagery and a truly perfect haiku.
Love,
Margherita

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
3 posted 2007-05-20 06:00 PM


like Western Paradise-
The heaven of his brief young dream
glamouring winter memory

not good. try to think another one. yours is just too perfect. not a haiku

[This message has been edited by Drauntz (05-20-2007 07:29 PM).]

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
4 posted 2007-05-20 07:05 PM



adding 'the' to the first line makes this a fine senryu, as far as syllable count goes

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