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Open Poetry #40
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the first note of light
| Open Poetry #40 |
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the first note of light |
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elisalie16 Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 118new jersey |
on the streetlight's grey corner orange flashed over blue two figures standing sharply with shoulders pointed and heads bent. the words were spoken slowly forming clouds above their tones silk curtains falling heavy and lit windows glowing far. the skies broke up splitting ice across dark stone marble slates and ivory stair wells striking through against slight eyes. and the sentences grew longer now drawing stops throughout their space vapors rising up to sleak the air spinning straight circles where they're hung. those same pair of crunched vignettes smudged the outline of the field joining against the sun and the words they hummed sawm gently under the raze of all their lives. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Anne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Your open critique asks for our thoughts on this. I like the venue you took, but it would work in your favor to check on your spelling. I have learned over time that unless one can see that misspelled words are intricate to the poem, anything else makes it seem that the poet doesn't care enough to give their very best. I think you've got it in you to write your best, and look forward to seeing more from you. |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
"on the streetlight's grey corner orange flashed over blue two figures standing sharply with shoulders pointed and heads bent. the words were spoken slowly forming clouds above their tones silk curtains falling heavy and lit windows glowing far." Very picturesque. So creative in your word vision. I could almost hear that first note of light. Very nice. JL  What I used to do with one hand tied behind my back now requires every muscle in my body, cohesively. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
OHHHH my oh my I've read this 3 times and sending you back up to the top for others to gain from this marvelous write well done!!!!!!!!! |
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elisalie16 Member
since 2006-07-12
Posts 118new jersey |
oh my god thank you so much! |
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