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Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

0 posted 2007-05-14 12:15 PM

Curtains for Bathtub Bob

Hopscotch and other forms
of hearty skipping
occur sideways in a body
of busy heads.
A mass of men pondering the
life and times of a dead
colleague who forgot that
water and electricity mix
like alcohol and grief.

He died like most lived:
Elvis impersonator,
bellyful of mayonnaise.

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

1 posted 2007-05-16 02:13 AM

I keep coming back and reading this .. again and again.

A

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2007-05-16 07:52 AM

grim reality
an almost 'shocking' vignette
enjoyed

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

3 posted 2007-05-16 10:33 AM

Hey, thanks guys.

Cheers - Ed

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

4 posted 2007-05-16 04:42 PM

Edster: You're messing up, Ed. This is not only a brilliant image, but accessible.

"A mass of men pondering the
life and times of a dead
colleague who forgot that
water and electricity mix
like alcohol and grief."

I don't know. Maybe you have a rational streak after all.

Best, Jimbeaux

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

5 posted 2007-05-16 05:24 PM

Oh God! Is that a rational bug on my shoulder?! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! hahaha

Thanks Jim, I appreciate it, man.

Don't worry, I'll redeem myself by writing about politicians sucking on their toes.

- Edster

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

6 posted 2007-05-16 11:14 PM

good one!!

I particularly love:

“...water and electricity mix
like alcohol and grief”

And:

“...Elvis impersonator,
bellyful of mayonnaise.”

[and also the “Head Cheese & Chicken Feet” by the way...
sounds like a description of G. W. ('lost in the') Bush to me!]

Applause!!

scarletbegonias
Member

since 2007-05-15

Posts 59

7 posted 2007-05-16 11:17 PM

its such an image.. Elvis impersonator. bellyfull of mayonaise
wow
i can totally picture this

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

8 posted 2007-05-17 05:10 PM

Thanks guys.

Much obliged...

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2007-05-17 05:54 PM

This is excellent, Ed.

you've got some surreal imagery in here that struck something primal in me regarding grief, and life, and the sometimes absurd circumstances of death.

Very well done!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2007-05-17 06:09 PM

Hopscotch and other forms

~*~

Y'know, Ed, I read this three times
before reading the comments. Then I came
back to the line above...and thought of
hops and scotch and nodded at your level
of the sublime....and hearty kick.

Well done, Sir.

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

11 posted 2007-05-17 07:51 PM

Karen,

Thanks, I'm really glad you got something out of it.

Karilea,

Wow! I'm glad someone caught the hopscotch reference. Thanks again.

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

12 posted 2007-05-18 04:16 PM

I would choose a favorite line... but others have already highlighted their brilliance... (and I try to reserve redundancy for my poems LOL). So I'll just say... fantastic!!! *S*

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

13 posted 2007-05-18 05:17 PM

read many times.
It is the best poem of non-romance and count the mayonnaise out.

no idea

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

14 posted 2007-05-18 05:24 PM

Thanks guys...

Cheers - Ed

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

15 posted 2007-05-18 07:02 PM

Edward,

I've gotta admit, I play when I read. I couldn't help but act out the sideways hopscitching in my head! My head was hopscotching sideways for a little while until I realized I wasn't getting anywhere... A very intriguing write that left me no desire to skip a word. Much said in an interesting weigh. The ending--very powerful.

miscellanea

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

16 posted 2007-05-18 08:16 PM

Thanks miscellanea, I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks for the reply.

Ed

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

17 posted 2007-05-19 12:20 PM

Mr. Grim

I thought that you were going to explain in similar daily English. But I suddenly realized that you would not have write like this if you could use common words because you are a poet.

SO this is how I read your poem

Somebody wanted to stay out of life for a while by drinking to quench his grief.

But the drinking is like the electricity in water..to kill or hurt somebody in it. People wondered why he did this because he should have the knowledge

He died or is deadly drunk
because he is out of his personality

'bellyful of mayonnaise'... he should have something inside matching who he is but he has not.

"water and electricity mix
like alcohol and grief."...love these verses.

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

18 posted 2007-05-19 11:14 AM

Don't you wish Elvis was still alive and all the Elvis impersonators were dead?

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

19 posted 2007-05-19 01:27 PM

quote:
Mr. Grim

I thought that you were going to explain in similar daily English. But I suddenly realized that you would not have write like this if you could use common words because you are a poet.

I don't remember saying I'd explain it? Well, it's no big deal, because it's a pretty simple piece. And what do you mean "if I could use common words?" I'm pretty good at using common words, haha. I don't talk like this with people, I just write like this. And I wouldn't consider myself a poet, I'm more of a purveyor of nonsense.

quote:
SO this is how I read your poem

Your interpretation was very interesting. But the poem is quite literal in meaning. It is about a group of men who are drowning themselves in alcohol and grief because their friend and colleague, Bob, was electrocuted in a bathtub.

The only metaphor I used was the last stanza.

quote:
'bellyful of mayonnaise'... he should have something inside matching who he is but he has not.

Again, interesting interpretation, but not really what I was going for.

Thanks for the reply Drauntz, I appreciate it. Cheers

__________________________

Toe,

I sure do.

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

20 posted 2007-05-25 07:13 PM

I have to say " A Grim a day, kicks Alzheimer away." he is such a brain teaser.
write more.

You know that I am kidding, don't you?!

[This message has been edited by Drauntz (05-26-2007 09:44 AM).]

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