Riding the Greyhound (Tornadic Vortex)

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jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

0 posted 2007-04-27 10:48 PM

if interested - this is a follow up to: /pip/Forum103/HTML/002242.html

Riding the Greyhound
(Tornadic Vortex)

The tornadic vortex in my head
spun round and round and round
with thoughts of you: finally I slept.

I’ve often heard that everyone dreams
but Exhaustion circumvents everything and I was exhausted,beat down, shriveled
like a dead dog I once saw in the desert
outside Yuma, Arizona.

It was alone.

Some say they like being alone, but
they have no idea. They’re single-bodied selves
totally at ease with their personal trinity.
Me, myself and I.

My trinity was given to you.

What's left is this vast, empty void
where you once were. Me, myself and I;
utterly alone.

Big Gray dog’s handler woke me in Dallas,
said he though that’s where I wanted to get off.
I shook my head yes, inside shouting,

No, It’s Not!

I grabbed my overnighter from beneath the seat,
walked the miles to Big Gray Dog’s nose,
disembarked, stood there . . .

Where I really wanted to wind up

was Home.

© wesley james beard, jr.
april 2007

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2007-04-28 05:39 PM

My trinity was given to you.

What's left is this vast, empty void
where you once were. Me, myself and I;
utterly alone.

~sighing~ in the know

M

carter07
Junior Member

since 2007-04-26

Posts 31

2 posted 2007-04-28 08:49 PM

Really liked this! "I’ve often heard that everyone dreams but Exhaustion circumvents everything and I was exhausted,beat down, shriveled like a dead dog I once saw in the desert outside Yuma, Arizona." Loved your use of the word circumvents in this stanza, would take out the part about Yuma, Arizona. It has no point. Maybe just say "dead dog I once saw in the desert."
Really really love the use of the trinity. Genius! Keep 'em coming.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2007-04-28 09:01 PM

"Me, myself and I.

My trinity was given to you."

oh this touches...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2007-04-28 11:13 PM

Then? There's that moment too.

Y'gotta save a tiny piece of yourself though, or "they" throw the all of you right back atcha, angry 'cause you have nothing to give.

Tricky, this stuff.

A perfectly matched pair of poems here, j.

You captured the pain, the confusion, and ME.

Well done.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

5 posted 2007-04-29 08:52 AM

Exceptionally well done. Much as the picture of the dead dog drew tears to my eyes and pained me, I don't agree with Carter that you should leave out the "outside Yuma. Arizona" part. I think it makes it more real, and like a memory "aside".

- Owl

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