Harbor ---Love tanka (with 'challenge'!)

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Open Poetry #40

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

0 posted 2007-04-22 07:09 PM

Your smile flowing out
Gentle waves sways tenderly
Along the warm light
Of your eyes nudging the sail
Moving toward the quiet harbor.

[This message has been edited by Drauntz (04-24-2007 11:30 PM).]

Rottiestyl
Member

since 2007-04-19

Posts 60
Illinois, USA

1 posted 2007-04-23 06:44 AM

Great metaphoric work!

MindBodySoul
Member

since 2007-01-10

Posts 196
NJ

2 posted 2007-04-23 01:00 PM

Wow, I can relate to this write...
I see, a lost love finally on its way home...

Thanks for charing!!

Jen--->MindBodySoul

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

3 posted 2007-04-26 04:04 PM

I like this one. I think I'd take the 'the' out of the last line if it was me. Nice, quiet, warm image.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

4 posted 2007-04-26 04:11 PM

Nan , they do not allow me to delele the "the".
I tried.
You are right. it is an extra.

paullallady
Member

since 2007-04-03

Posts 262
Michigan

5 posted 2007-04-27 03:54 PM

beautiful and tender.

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

6 posted 2007-04-27 04:09 PM

This poem is written with great tenderness and yearning...Wonderful writing...*Big Hugs*

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