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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #40 » Going Overboard
Open Poetry #40
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
0 posted 2007-04-03 08:27 PM

.


While perhaps
In the throes of passion
Two fell into the ocean

And now each of us
In their private thoughts
Has a notion as to what
They were trying to do


.
© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2007-04-03 08:28 PM

I think I would have originally been trying to find sand dollars whole
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
2 posted 2007-04-03 09:56 PM

Are you sure that "each of us" are in "their" private thought? "each of us" may be too busy to notice them at all and "two" may also be too busy to put "each of us" in it's mind.

enjoyed.

[This message has been edited by Drauntz (04-04-2007 01:58 AM).]
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296
3 posted 2007-04-04 10:20 AM

oh sure, now each contemplates?  sheesh

no matter how you articulate (and beautifully done), seams irresponsible.  
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