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Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

0 posted 2007-03-20 10:27 PM

If you were a blue lagoon,
I would be the morning moon.
Dreaming into a silver boat,
Leisurely floating till noon.

If you were a green lake,
I would be a willow tree.
Lying in your soft breast,
Till wind blowing me away.

Welcome any modification and suggestion.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2007-03-21 06:07 AM

this is pretty

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

2 posted 2007-03-21 09:01 AM

.

If you were a blue lagoon
I would be the morning
Moon dreaming into a silver boat
Leisurely floating till noon

If you were a green lake
I would be the willow tree
Tips plying across your soft breast
Slowly as I sway

.

a thought

John

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

3 posted 2007-03-21 02:42 PM

Thank you very much, John. Your change is beautiful and put in more feelings.

I try to say that they are all reflections, not real. and the reflection of the willow tree in the water will be disturbed by wind. i did not express well.

welcome more suggestions.

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

4 posted 2007-03-21 09:47 PM

Drauntz,

Thank you
yet always appreciate I did no more
than smooth images I myself
am incapable of . . . It's your poem
and I would never lay any claim to it.

John

Rottiestyl
Member

since 2007-04-19

Posts 60
Illinois, USA

5 posted 2007-04-25 05:50 AM

Just a simple and beautiful piece!

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

6 posted 2007-04-25 09:21 AM

If you were a blue lagoon,
I would be the morning moon.
Dreaming into a silver boat,
Leisurely floating till noon.

loved this, absolutely beautiful

Startime55
Member Elite

since 2003-04-05

Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada

7 posted 2007-04-25 11:36 AM

Soft, gentle and sensual are the visions this beautiful poem creates...magnificent...*Big Hugs*

MindBodySoul
Member

since 2007-01-10

Posts 196
NJ

8 posted 2007-04-25 01:10 PM

Such soothing.... gentle words...

beautiful!!

Thank you for sharing

Jen--->MindBodySoul

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

9 posted 2007-04-25 05:08 PM

Silky...James

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