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Open Poetry #40
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The Obsession
| Open Poetry #40 |
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The Obsession |
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Sphinxen Junior Member
since 2007-03-03
Posts 38U.S. |
He looks through the open window and sees; loss, accompanied by dark obsession He touches the cracked and peeling paint and scrapes his nails along there edges A woman lies alone and gazes at the ceiling; not lover, nor friend, a surragate mother a tear drifts down her cheek; he could wipe that tear away and replace it with a smile A sadistic smile lights his face a twisted pleasure at causing pain to love for him is to hate; to feel, merely a lesson in grief Still she stares unmoving; a marble statue filled with virtue she tried to help and was easily destroyed; her second son to lose he wanted to rip her open to feel that warm hot blood he wanted to hug and kiss her to hear that he was good She wiped away her tears there was no hero left for her she stood up tall and tentatively gave a practiced smile walking away in stoic dignity; soft soles of her feet gently flowing across the floor her moment of weakness was over he felt a deep release |
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| © Copyright 2007 Audrey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Hi Audrey! You have been so kind to me I thought I'd come in here and peek to see who you are and whoa.. I know some people argue the virtue of prosody, but I like things that are different, and I especially liked this stack of psychology here--to me the construct of it, line after line reminded me of a an invisable brick wall--full of things that ache to be said but never will be. That said, I can take punctuation or leave it, but if I leave it, I think capitalization is confusing. (Unless I am missing a point here--true, I am easily confused) But the overall effect of the complexities of "mother concept" along with your choice of construction worked quite well for me. Much enjoyed.  |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
WoW - I am not sure what I was expecting. What I was not expecting was this write. You expressed a lot of power with these words - and you created some wonderful images. Overall, I think this is good - maybe clean it up a bit (spelling, capitalization stuff) A |
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