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Joyce Johnson
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Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State

0 posted 2009-07-19 06:16 PM


I awake with the sound of the phone in my ear.
Someone's asking for Stanley and Stanley's not here.
Who will I be for the rest of my life,
Now that I'm a widow, no longer a wife?

I lie there just waiting for my head to clear,
Looking for courage, defeated by fear.
My eyes open wider, I search for the key
To find the meaning in this day for me.

I suppose I will shower and maybe I'll dress,
And then I will have to eat something.  I guess.
Then what will I do that will matter at all?
What's still important? I try to recall.

I pick up the paper, trying to read.
Where are the children that I used to feed
The husband that used to come first in my life
When I wasn't a widow, but his faithful wife?

The newspaper drops from my useless hand.
Who needs me now?  I don't understand
How a life so fulfilled has come down to this.
The future's like looking into an abyss.

But there must be more and I'll have to find it.
My clock has run down, I'll just have to rewind it.
I don't dry my tears, just plan to ignore them,
And turn to my friends waiting there on the forum.

Betty and Alison, Margherita, Michelle
And all of the rest, my restorative pill.
The tears are now gone, there's a smile on my face.
In this life once so lonely, I still have a place.

By Joyce

    (This was written shortly after I lost my husband 13 years ago.  Within three years I lost him, my step-son and my own son.  It took a while for me to find my reason for living and I credit my friends in the forum for helping me. And now its new friends, new forum keeping me going.)  

Joyce


[This message has been edited by Joyce Johnson (07-21-2009 07:44 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Joyce I Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
1 posted 2009-07-20 12:06 PM


Joyce,

I know I am not the Alison in the poem, but I am here.  I read and think and care.  I think how much you have taught me through your poetry.  I think of the morals that you show, the courage you have, the creativity that runs though your blood.  When I came to PiP I had no expectations of thinking about the people.  I had been in sites that had left me bruised and battered and blue.

You are one who showed me that we can't give up who we are.  So, I care.  You write and I care and I look for your poetry.

Thank you for sharing yourself with me.

Love,
Alison

Joyce Johnson
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since 2001-03-10
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Washington State
2 posted 2009-07-20 12:12 PM


Dear Alison you are the one of whom I was writing.  It was other names 13 years ago but this forum has brought me new friends.
thanks for reading and for bringing back my old poetry and for your wonderful words of encouragement.  Love, Joyce

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
3 posted 2009-07-20 01:09 AM


Thank you, sweet friend, for such a beautiful gift.

xoxoxo
Alison

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
4 posted 2009-07-20 02:06 PM


Dearest Joyce,
I am so happy I found this today. I think you speak for many in your situation as a widow. Just heard a friend who lives alone now on the phone and she said "it's not easy to wake up in the morning and ask myself what to do with this new day ... being alone".
What you have gone through is more than anyone should endure, but you succeeded in drying your tears and in finding new interests and new friends to fill your days with life and love.
I am moved by your poem, it is a reaching out to others who may not have the strength to cope.
I am so honored also for being mentioned as a Pip friend, thank you from my heart.
I look up at you and your wisdom and your art and I am grateful for having you in my life too.
Love and hugs.
Margherita

Joyce Johnson
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Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
5 posted 2009-07-20 06:27 PM


Thank you Margherita.  You have indeed been a friend of mine.  I am sorry I have not been around much lately but I have hit a lull in my writing and have had other things to tend to.  I will be back more.  Love, Joyce
Yoinn
Senior Member
since 2007-08-16
Posts 649
Michigan
6 posted 2009-07-20 09:34 PM


Joyce,
    If you don't mind me smelling like a cigar and maybe a rough growth of whiskers I would like to give you a big hug.

You ask " who will i be for the rest of my life" let me say,

You are a shining example of not only what a women but a human being should be.
Your are a Rembrandt of couarge.
The strength of this poem and the honesty you write it with...humbles me into silence.

Yoin

Just reworked my old poetry page. Check it out before geocities takes it down. Yoin

Joyce Johnson
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Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
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Washington State
7 posted 2009-07-21 01:47 AM


Thank you dear Yoinn.  You are another one who proves the point of this poem. We poets are real supporters of each other.  Love, Joyce
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
8 posted 2009-07-21 07:00 PM


Joyce, this is a beautiful poem that I wish to save on my desktop to read when I feel down. Although not quite your age yet, the losses are still there in my life and I awake to many of the same feelings you have.

Maureen
p.s.  you can take the word: are out of this line to make it smoother.
"and turn to my friends waiting there are on the forum"

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
9 posted 2009-07-21 07:43 PM


Thank you.  I don't know how that got in there .  It isn't in my original and I thought I had edited it carefully.  It will be gone.  You certainly may use my poem anyway you would like.  Love, Joyce
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