The beginning and end of a bittersweet love

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Corner Pub #3

The beginning and end of a bittersweet love

KatKali
Member

since 2008-01-03

Posts 67
Where the wispers grow louder

0 posted 2009-03-03 11:15 AM

O, Remus,
I, perhaps, love you,
as, I like you more,
than I like myself,
as we dance as,
the dancing cats,
sing and scream,
I feel for you,
on this day on which,
we die.

Remus, my sweet,
I bid you goodbye,
we walk away whole,
for once,
its time we stop this merry-go-round,
no more tears shall drop this day,
as you kiss my hand goodbye,
my eyes wish to disobey,
but alas I shall not cry,
I will forever love you

Fade
Junior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 38
on a (temporall) plane

1 posted 2009-03-03 12:32 PM

wow. i like this.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

2 posted 2009-03-06 01:20 PM

Those bittersweet endings are the worst, but the best for all concerned. You did a great job on this poem.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2009-03-06 04:22 PM

Kat,

I enjoyed the read, but as you encourage critique, I would suggest losing some of the commas. They can become distracting, and seem to take away from this piece.

Now, I do have a question. Is your Remus "modern day" or are we talking history here? If it's modern day, than my other nit is now nitless.

Thanks for the read. I'll be checking into more of your work soon!

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