I'll Still Be Waiting For You

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Teen Poetry #8

I'll Still Be Waiting For You

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

0 posted 2007-07-01 06:28 PM

Hey guys, this poem is kind of old, and doesn't flow very well. So tell me if you have any thoughts to make it better

you're walking out the door
there's no way i can stop you.
i wish you'd give me a chance
i don't want this to go through.

but i'm left crying on the floor
picking up my broken heart.
in mind's eye i can see her
the one who's torn us apart.

my rage is coming out
there's no way i can stop it.
i'm so mad at you, at her
i'm just giving up now, i quit.

but no matter how much you hate me
i'm telling you what's true.
i don't ever want you to doubt
that i'll still be waiting for you.

There is only so much blood i can bleed for you, and continue to live.

Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106

1 posted 2007-07-01 08:20 PM

i think this was really great. it had such emotion and honesty. I loved the second stanza the best. great job!

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why can't it be mine?
-Eddie Vedder

Jezzika
Member

since 2005-01-05

Posts 154
work

2 posted 2007-07-02 12:29 PM

This was a great poem and I know so many people who have said the same thing but not quite as beautifully as you did...it was awesome

One trillion dollars could buy a heart a soul ~ Anti-Flag

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2007-07-02 06:11 AM

I actually feel this flowed fine. There were a couple parts at the beginning where it was a bit off and stumbled but after the first stanza and half it seemd to work fine. It was very nicely put.

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

4 posted 2007-07-03 04:02 PM

Thanks

I fixed a lot of it when i posted it, but it didn't seem to have the flow i wanted it to...oh well.

Please excuse me, my heart is bleeding.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2007-07-05 05:28 PM

ahhh this was really good, you must be crazy if you think it's not. loved the last stanza the most too.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

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