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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-06-19 10:46 PM

im aching, and hurting,
please put a bullet in my head.
i cant stand be to this way,
and i cant stand what you just said.

what did i do to make you lose faith,
to give up all hope, and make you hate my face?
im sorry if i cant be what you wanted frome me,
but im not sorry for what i believe.

because when you disregaurd everything that i say,
i want to push you down or push you away.

your no angel but you have ones face,
youve lost your wings and fell from grace.

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

1 posted 2007-06-19 10:52 PM

Wow... Clockwork, this is really incredible. It absolutely took my breath away, very, very good job!

I've stopped fighting my inner demons... we're on the same side now.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

2 posted 2007-06-20 09:03 AM

wow, felt that before. in fact i'll try ad email you the one that.

-Red

Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2007-06-21 12:53 PM

Wow I am glad I read this. The words were absolutly awesome. I liked this a lot Hope to read more soon.
hunnie.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

4 posted 2007-08-23 10:41 PM

I liked it...the rythm could use a little work...but i don't know if that's something you don't wanna hear

Other than that, it was good.

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

5 posted 2007-08-23 11:05 PM

"your no angel but you have ones face,
youve lost your wings and fell from grace."

Loved this poem it was really good. The last two lines were my fave. However if you changed 'fell' to 'fallen' it might make it flow more smoothly.

Great write! Rerra

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

6 posted 2007-08-25 12:57 PM

ty for the critique.

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