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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-06-18 09:42 PM

can you please look at me in honesty
im not here to be your jury.
but im not as naive as you think,
beacause when you lie your words are hurried.

dont you know that your an open book,
that i read chapters from every day.
im inside your every thought and word,
and i will never go away.

so dont lie strait to my face,
and pretend that i dont know,
but you dont have to anymore,
because its time for you to go.

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

1 posted 2007-06-18 10:25 PM

Got a misspelling there.
And the open book metaphor is cliché.
I can't imagine a guy saying this.

-J

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

2 posted 2007-06-18 10:45 PM

you know what? im a dude 100% and i wrote it. and this poem was actually hard to write.....i was writing about my mom.

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

3 posted 2007-06-18 10:49 PM

whoa, chillax dogtown, i feel you...just sayin is all, the last stanza was weak, sounded soft. Don't go soft on me.

-J

Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106

4 posted 2007-06-18 10:52 PM

personally, i liked this poem very much. knowing that it's about your mom too is interesting.

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

5 posted 2007-06-18 11:09 PM

i liked the poem i loved the way you put it it shows the way i feel about most people that they are an open book good write

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

6 posted 2007-06-19 02:11 PM

mmmmmmm, i like that we know when we're old enough what are parents really are- and sometimes, they are not what we believed they were.

good insight

-Red

Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

7 posted 2007-06-20 12:04 PM

Another amazing write

I feel where your coming from with this one. My mom doesn't do that, but my dad sure does. I loved your poem.

There is only so much blood i can bleed for you, and continue to live.

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