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Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

0 posted 2006-11-04 11:21 AM

Why did the last breath hurt the most
Im still trying to think
Why im feeling dead inside
Theres only so much I can take

You pushed me untill i was at the edge
With ten inches left to go
I finally break from the inside
I just thought id let you know

You pushed me to my death
Thank you so much for your care
You left me at the bottom
While I still gasped for air

Longing for the life you broke
It burned out like matches
I wish I could start again
But all I have is ashes

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-11-04 11:29 AM

Did you write a poem that was similar to the , leaving at the bottom part cause it reads familiar? Its really good though. Needs punctuation. I like the idea of pushing over the edge and letting them know as a side note, like by the way its because to me.

Nice write

Tempest
Member

since 2006-04-28

Posts 247
dont eat paint chips!!!!

2 posted 2006-11-04 12:32 PM

i re posted this one thats why it sounds familiar, but it was a long time ago

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2006-11-05 05:52 AM

Cause you keeep posting these amazing poems? And I keep being like wow , how does he write these awesome pieces in such short time with similar bits to before.

Aeris Nicole
Junior Member

since 2003-08-18

Posts 21

4 posted 2006-11-05 08:03 PM

i loved this!!! very good!

nick_lyss
Member

since 2006-08-21

Posts 88

5 posted 2006-11-06 12:06 PM

really good.keep writing
courtney

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

6 posted 2006-11-06 05:08 PM

Longing for the life you broke
It burned out like matches
I wish I could start again
But all I have is ashes

whoooooa. I loved your ended. Very amazing. I was just reading it and BAM, that ended just hits. Very nicely done.

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

7 posted 2007-06-20 06:54 PM

your soooo good.

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

8 posted 2007-06-21 06:11 PM

amazing yet agin i just liked your rhythm and style for this poem

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