Untitled- help me find a title

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Teen Poetry #8

Untitled- help me find a title

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

0 posted 2007-05-21 09:48 PM

Strident din, moist mass a blip,
balanced but losing this fixed grip.
Voice coils vibrating
aiding my trip
to a curious chasm of innocence.
Allowing this suppression,
breaking tension with violent
motion of uncertainty.
Attempting to realize
this face with brown eyes,
as I crawl to the piece,
as long as the noise cries.
The motive is set, no need for your past,
so much on hand, the die is cast.
A sense so familiar, from sometime when
I introduced myself once again.

-J

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

1 posted 2007-05-22 10:28 PM

very well written poem there was parts i wasn't sure the meaning but i also interpret things different as others however for the title i too am at a loss sorry

stormdancer
Junior Member

since 2007-05-10

Posts 31
state of confustion

2 posted 2007-05-26 11:12 PM

I like how it flows and sounds, though the meaning is muddled. I sugest changing a few lines, give or take, with the message in mind so it's more clear.

perhaps for the title, "Introduction" that's what i'd sugest. Or, even better, think of what the poem means to you and title it acording to that.

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

3 posted 2007-05-27 10:56 AM

Thank u stormdancer, I like that title, simple and suggest 2 things about the poem.

I'd like to hear your interpretation. Several have commented on this poem.

-J

stormdancer
Junior Member

since 2007-05-10

Posts 31
state of confustion

4 posted 2007-05-27 01:25 PM

Thanks.

Is it about singing? Some kind of preformence?

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

5 posted 2007-05-27 06:30 PM

Um...close..its about two people sharing sexual moment...lol...does that make the poem a little more clear?

-J

Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

6 posted 2007-06-04 02:47 PM

It's interesting that you can interpret the poem again... I thought about it when I read it, and then scrolled down and saw your comment and then when I read it again, I can see how the sexual encounter thing works.

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