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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-04-04 07:28 PM

Its raining out, and i cant sleep.
Im lost inside my own insecurity.

So im sorry if i seem distant,
I really dont mean to be.
Im just going through some hard times,
Im breaking just to bleed.

I cant take anymore of this hatred,
This isnt a family.
This is a hell-hole,
Made by your hipocracy.

You wonder why i get drunk,
When theres a bottle in your hand.
You scream at me to do better,
But you just dont understand.

I wont change my life for you.
I am who I am.
I may not be a perfect person,
But im doing all I can.

Im not a junky,
Or a drunken fool.
And im sure as hell not a failer,
I am not your tool.

rebel~angel
Member

since 2006-06-20

Posts 71
Iowa USA

1 posted 2007-04-05 10:10 PM

I liked this... The only thing I noticed that could be changed is the last stanza, it doesn't quite flow like the rest of the poem.

Remember:Tuck your chin, you're going to get hurt, so expect it and be ready. You might as well see it coming.
-Elizabeth Haydon, Requiem for the Sun

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

2 posted 2007-04-06 12:06 PM

This was pretty good... I liked it.., I think yea the ending was strong but could be stronger (yea i know, here the critiques go again)lol.. Anyway.. Happy Easter And Have a Good One

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2007-04-06 12:31 PM

I may not be a perfect person,
But im doing all I can.~
Really liked this good write...
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

4 posted 2007-04-06 06:46 PM

thnks pple. i dont mind critiques every now and again, its just the people who try to give me a whole page of stuff to do. lol

um_idk
Junior Member

since 2006-09-27

Posts 32
minnesota

5 posted 2007-04-07 01:01 AM

i loved this

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

6 posted 2007-04-07 09:07 AM

sry..am i one of t hose people?

Good poem. Happy easter

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

7 posted 2007-04-07 09:19 AM

no rhia, i really like your quritiques, its just that you just put those two out on my first post without even a good job, it just seemed as tho u were trying to be stuck up, but your not, so its all good.

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