Teen Poetry #8 |
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Sea |
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
Nothing is sighted in the depths of the sea The darkness inhaled is almost comforting I love the feel of oceans sweet lullaby And the breath of the water humming by I rise to the surface and waves push me below My hand reaches upward, and oh the water glows Finally I find that I’m upon the rolling waves My wet stringy hair blows upon my wet face The shore- I find I gone far from anywhere I pick a direction and float, from here to there The current should carry me to a place I know I live among the waves and isles of below I climb unto the forsaken shore- an abandon isle No one knows where to look in an ocean of miles I’m cold and wet and awake to the beating rain I find a place for my shelter from all bane I find a million cuts and bruises upon salty me And a leafy cover fallen in the windy breeze I run atop the hill of the land and find wildness There was once more I had seen more than this But it’s gone and I weep As I stand on bruised feet Love is never foolish- and if it is, it is a Divine Foolishness. -Sir Gawain [This message has been edited by whitelielovely (02-03-2007 02:30 PM).] |
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© Copyright 2007 Whittney Larraine Lovely - All Rights Reserved | |||
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
( ) = change [ ] = delete (Try coming up with other words beside wet to desribe that so it has variety) I rise to the surface and waves push me below My hand reaches upward, and (OH) [my] the water glows Finally I find that I’m upon the rolling waves My wet stringy hair blows upon my wet face The shore- I find I gone far from anywhere I pick a direction and float, from here to there The current should carry me to a place I know I live among the waves and isles of -[the] below (it throws the rythmn that the in there_ I climb unto the forsaken shore- an abandon isle No one knows where to look in an ocean of miles I’m cold and wet and awake to the beating rain I find a place for my shelter from all this pain (whose pain is it) I thought this was a remarkable piece. Def one of your bests. MInor changes and thats all to be made. This was very creative and I love the sea having grown up on it so beautiful work |
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
i fixed it and thankyou i haven't written for a while b/c of writer's block. and then i just this was well . . . needed. thanks again. -Whit Love is never foolish- and if it is, it is a Divine Foolishness. |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
mmm ... i really enjoyed this! It's definetely one of your's that i most enjoy ![]() it's good reading from you! I'm glad you are out of your writers block, i quite enjoy reading your poems ![]() looking forward to more! [[this is going in my library!]] ~missy |
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whitelielovely Member
since 2006-12-11
Posts 146Australia |
thanks thats the greatest compliment i've gotten. i'm glad you like it buttercup. -Whitty Love is never foolish- and if it is, it is a Divine Foolishness. |
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