Lovely Words Of Terror - pipTalk Forums

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lemonraindrops
Junior Member

since 2007-01-28

Posts 19

0 posted 2007-01-28 09:27 PM

My newest---

Lovely Words of Terror

Softly dying with each word

Falling faster as she heard

Those lovely words of terror

Feeling so should be absurd

Smiles are plastered here and there

Cold white roses everywhere

Then those lovely words of terror

Remind her of the life she'll share

Cold feet could never cause this much

Terror, regret, remorse and such

Yet those lovely words of terror

Hold a more horrific touch

Her world had never been so dark

As when she heard 'Til death do us part'

Those lovely words of terror struck

A bitter shock upon her heart

With second thoughts she's overcome

Flowers drop - she's on the run

From those lovely words of terror

She flees toward the setting sun

Same old nightmare but never awoke

And never heard the words he spoke

More lovely words of terror

'Rest in peace' all eyes tear soaked

Elyse

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

1 posted 2007-01-28 11:39 PM

wow... = )
first of all, i liked that you seperated the lines so it was easier to read, and second...wow! ...lol, but the words are just like puzzle pieces fitted perfectly to form this poem...awesome

icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

2 posted 2007-01-29 06:54 PM

How very cool! I see you re-worked it and it turned out beautifully. You are great at coming up with excellent titles and interesting concepts! That is my stumbling block lol... glad it isn't yours!

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.
- Persian Proverb

lemonraindrops
Junior Member

since 2007-01-28

Posts 19

3 posted 2007-01-29 07:02 PM

Thank you, thank you. Much appreciated

Love
Elyse

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2007-01-30 10:56 PM

I have to say, this is another great write, but the end confused me. I'm not sure if you like explaining your poetry but if you don't mind please do.. I would very much appreciate it so I could understand the end, if not, I understand that and am respectful.. I just know different writers have different views of things.

thanks, and once again. Great write!

heather

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

5 posted 2007-01-31 02:12 PM

I liked the idea and concept and how you incorperated the Lovely words of terror into each stanza but the actualy rhymes seemed a bit forced to me. THe flow was a bit off.

Amaya
Junior Member

since 2007-01-23

Posts 10
Mississippi

7 posted 2007-02-03 09:30 PM

Ooh. I love this poem. It is so...I can't even think of the word to describe it.

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