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buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

0 posted 2006-09-13 02:44 PM

[a short little poem]
Photographs in heart shaped frames
Heart shaped thoughts
and heart shaped games

Love letters written with heart shaped dotted i's
my heart shaped love
and your heart shaped lies
[i kinda wrote this as a quote i guess..but ya]

nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

1 posted 2006-09-13 02:46 PM

Only one word can describe this: Beautiful.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

2 posted 2006-09-13 04:36 PM

haha, you don't have to be nice about all my poems now=) its ok to critique, i promise!!LOL, anyway, thanks! im glad you liked it=)

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-09-14 11:53 PM

wow... Talk about unexpected ending! I loved it! And pride is right, you know? It IS a beautiful poem. Kind of a horrible ending for someone going through this but an interesting poem.

I loved the title, that's what actually got me to read this, once inside the post I found that the poem was just as incredible.

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

krazy 4 her
Junior Member

since 2006-09-14

Posts 38
Your parent's front porch

4 posted 2006-09-15 11:05 AM

I don't know about this one. It's really good, but something about the first line of the second stanza turns me off. I still think it rocks, but maybe consider shortening that one line? I don't know, still really good.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

5 posted 2006-09-15 02:11 PM

thanks stargal...im glad you liked it! i tried sooOoO hard to make it longer but really, thats the only way i could think to end it..

krazy-thanks! i know,i really wanted to shorten that too..i couldn't figure out how to though, if you have ANY suggestions at all! feel free to email me or post it here=) thanks.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

6 posted 2006-09-15 07:04 PM

Wow Marisa, I just really loved this. I can't exactly explain why, but it was just so short and sweet and then the surprise ending caught me off guard. Muchly enjoyed.

~Alli~

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

7 posted 2006-09-15 07:35 PM

thanks alli! im really glad you liked it!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

8 posted 2006-09-15 10:25 PM

i can't belive it i really liked this it was amazing i can't even think of any positive critisism haha but this was really great...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

9 posted 2006-09-18 07:02 PM

lol, thanks!

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