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nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

0 posted 2006-09-13 02:44 PM

In this world
Lies a country
Inside that country
Lies a town
Within this town
Lies a home
In this home
Lies a girl

A broken girl
In a chaotic home
Within an oblvious town
Inside this country at war
Who's world has begun to crumble

{Yeah, I was bored. Short and not that great, but whatever.}

buttercupbaby
Member

since 2006-05-03

Posts 400
outside in the rain

1 posted 2006-09-13 02:45 PM

i like short poems best=) i love writing little things, that only i understand, so i guess i know what you mean by this! nice job.

ps-you might try and add to it when you are bored again, and see how it goes if your feeling different or the same..thats always fun

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-09-13 05:10 PM

lol well for just doin it when you're bored, it sure turned out well! What a creative way to write this! i applaud you my friend.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-09-13 05:37 PM

I liked it because it was short and "simple", sometimes I rather read stuff I'm able to understand right away than the more in-depth junk, that, I admit, I write at times. It gives my brain a rest to read something as refreshing as this poem. Awesome job on this one; The first stanza was and is amazing.

Thanks for sharing!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-09-13 10:16 PM

I loved this.. how you broke it down and then built it back up.. very nicely done.

~heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2006-09-14 01:25 AM

this was great it explains a lot about everything i've read by you well ok some things:P good post...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

6 posted 2006-09-14 06:11 PM

Oh, wow, I really liked this. Short and simple in a way, yet it flows so great. I don't really know what to say, I just really honestly enjoyed it!

~Alli~

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