The long road ahead - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #8

The long road ahead

chiLanta
Junior Member

since 2006-12-01

Posts 47

0 posted 2007-01-06 07:54 PM

It seems to be too late
To turn and walk away
The pain that was hurting my heart yesterday
Is still hurting my heart today

I'm very scared to take a step
Outside this safe haven of mine
I'm not quite ready to learn
All there is to learn with time

It's been a long road
From there to here
Yet I don't feel ready yet
To go from here to there

I wish at times
I could just go back
To when life wasn't as busy
and Time didn't seem to lack

It is too late now
To turn and just not stay
I'm way far in this game of life
To let my strength just slip away

The road which has been long
Still has many miles left to travel on
At times I may grow weary
but I will continue to sing my song

hollygal
Junior Member

since 2006-12-30

Posts 21
Alberta, Canada

1 posted 2007-01-06 10:38 PM

I like the ideas in this poem, but there are a few things which i would changefirst, I think the the 3rd line of your first stanza may work better as "the pain that hurt me yesterday" with line 4 as "still hurts my heart today" it seems to flow better.In stanza 5. line 3 seems to be more correct as "to turn and not not just stay" though that may not be the wording you want.Line 4 you miught want to have as "too far", instead of just "far". In stanza 6, you may want to switch the first two lines and bring the word "on" down to start the 2nd line. You may also want to change "the road" to "a road", and take out the "has" in line 3.
you may also want to change the last line to "but I will still sing my song"
I don't want to rewrite it for you though, just thoughti'd suggest what i'd do. good luck

chiLanta
Junior Member

since 2006-12-01

Posts 47

2 posted 2007-01-08 04:28 PM

thank you for your input!

whitelielovely
Member

since 2006-12-11

Posts 146
Australia

3 posted 2007-01-13 12:01 PM

adding to my library.

i liked it a lot it shows what everything about growing older is- scary.

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."

Noelle - age 7

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.