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Teen Poetry #8

Jaded Eyes Of Life

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2007-01-03 07:34 AM

Jaded Eyes Of Life

Dark blue eyes stare at me, as your awful daggers pierce my skin
You’re grabbing at my wrists again, as your anger explodes from within
Maybe you’re hurting but there is no need for this
One minute you’re angry at me, the next you swing and miss

Look at me Miss Damsel in distress
I’m so warn out and run down and I really do need a rest
The blood no longer cures the pain, from the scars you’ve engraved in me
You really don’t know how much you hurt me, because your jaded eyes can’t see
How many times have you felt broken, let down and under loved
Welcome to my life mate, continually pushed and shoved.

Dark blue eyes stare at me and your awful daggers pierce my skin
You’re grabbing at my wrists again as your anger explodes from within
Those jaded eyes can’t help you anymore and you can no longer win
You’ve flown too far under the radar now and you have committed a sin

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

1 posted 2007-01-03 08:09 AM

Ok Guys... Help NEEDED.... Maybe I am being Naive but... i am unsure about all this poem, the wording, the heading, the structure, u name it, I'm not 100% happy with it... So tell me if i;m being paroniod or if its wrong... Thanks In Notice

baby_gurl908
Junior Member

since 2006-08-22

Posts 15

2 posted 2007-01-03 05:30 PM

this one was really good.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2007-01-04 06:14 AM

Compared to the poem.. I didn't like the last line quite so much. This wasn't your best just flow and emotion wise.. VEry nice imagery though.. Nice descripiveness with jaded..

Its weird but as I was reading jaded brought out to revolving images for me.. Of the color of JADe the stone and of someone on drugs and all. i combined and it was awesome.. The imagery was sooo good

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