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Teen Poetry #8
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| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Me |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I never knew that I was blind until I looked into my eyes, within I saw the truth a woman I never knew. Humble and sweet she was a person I would forever wish to meet. Looking at her I felt ashamed and in disgrace with beauty and grace. Cursed was I in rich means for dressed in gold never made a queen. I kept looking into her face, searching for a sign, something to say I was alright. Instead I saw silent despair, resigned in her fate she sat in majestic grace. You would think she was a queen not a prisoner held by… me? I couldn’t help but cry for I realized this woman was I, held prisoner by my fearful side. I always thought I knew myself but now I see I was deceived by me. I want to be the me in me but I know it’ll never be. I couldn’t bear to see her shamed brought down from glory into my disgrace… "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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| © Copyright 2006 stargal - All Rights Reserved | |||
hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
~I kept looking into her face, searching for a sign, something to say I was alright. Instead I saw silent despair, resigned in her fate she sat in majestic grace. You would think she was a queen not a prisoner held by… me?~ that was my fav stanza, it is so good to read your poems again it seemed so long... I hope to read more soon don't disappear for that long again:P hunnie  ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
of all the poems ive read by you, this one had the best meaning. I love how u describe everything and it really..just yeah. very well written. so happy to see you've written again. : ) |
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DucksCanFly Junior Member
since 2006-12-20
Posts 20 |
Great poem. I like the way you kept it hidden until the end about who you were writing about...I enjoyed reading it. Hope to read some more of your poems soon. |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
i think more people should comment! cuz this was really good! |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Mmm.. Thanks ya'll for the comments! Always appreciated by me. "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
I thought this was really good...it is good to come back to the forum and see one of your poems. Hope to see more. "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
i was lookin for some old poems and found this one...and i decided to comment again just because i can. and i thought i'd tell you that its AMAZING! i had some of my friends read it and they said its very deep and enjoyable. and really..thought provoking anyways! guess i'll catch ya lata! |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Its kinda jumbled though |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow...I thought this was dead. Thanks for finding it for me bekah! Now I can tear it apart and mess with it some, I'm not quite happy with some of the words I used and various other things. Glad your friends like it, I'm not sure I've ever had any of my poems described as "deep" before I came to pip,it was quite a different out look. Jumbled? I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by that? Is it that the stanzas have no apparent order, rhyme or reason? Please elaborate, I'd really like to know! I haven't forgotten your poem either rhia, I've hit a busy spell and I'll try to return to it asap. "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" @-->--- |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
THe words seem to fit but all thrown together. Some seem to work but the order is confusing. I think it could use more structure |
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