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Teen Poetry #8

Old Songs & Red Nails

whitelielovely
Member

since 2006-12-11

Posts 146
Australia

0 posted 2006-12-15 01:34 PM

i sit there pianting my nails red
thinking about wether or not
your thinking of me too.

its so silly
that a song can bring
you back to memory

it's so hard to listen to this song
and not think about what
once was, me and you.

it suprizes and frightens me
to think that you sit there too
listening to a song that reminds me of you

i sit there painting my nails red,
thinking of the time we once spent
never thinking that we could speak again

but you surpized me this time
instead of the other way around
i smile at the thought

we are friends now
but time flies won't stop buzzing
they persist untill i give in

so i think of you
all from a song
that brings back the past

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
Mark Twain

[This message has been edited by whitelielovely (12-16-2006 01:10 PM).]

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

1 posted 2006-12-16 12:36 PM

I thought that this was an amazing poem but I also think you could make it better by rearranging some of the stanzas. For example:

it's so hard to listen to this song
and not think about what once was
me and you.

its so silly
that a song can bring you
back to memory

whitelielovely
Member

since 2006-12-11

Posts 146
Australia

2 posted 2006-12-16 01:10 PM

thanks pen, that was most helpful

-Lovely

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
Mark Twain

hunnie_girl