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Teen Poetry #8
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My World
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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My World |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA 
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I haven't posted I don't think since poetry forum 7 of teen poetry.. so it's been a while.. but let me know what you think... ~heather~ All I ever wanted sitting in my hands... The ability to care, to love, to understand. Never thought I'd come this far, from everywhere I've been... from night to day, dark to light, tragedy and sin. He's my constant reminder holding on so tight, keeping up a shield, from the cold and bitter nights. He's the secrets that I keep, hidden far behind my heart... piecing me together, each and every part. The world is at my fingertips, and he's my helping hand, the blanket that keeps me warm, the one that helps me stand. He's my neverending story, of laughter, happiness, and tears. He's that little voice in my head, removing all my fears. He's the smile I carry with me, the music in my song... the little thought inside, that tells me right from wrong. Although he may not know, just what he means to me... It doesn't take too much, to make my everything... By Heather Sullivan 11-26-06 Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Heather Sullivan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
it's good to see you back. i thought this was absolutly amazing. the ending was so powerful and not once did the rhyming seem forced. it flowed very well. into my library! AIM-beatufu1tragidy |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Heather, It’s been awhile so welcome back to pip; I’ve missed reading your work and your insightful comments! I agree with tapper on the poem being absolutely amazing and basically everything she said. I was just wondering why you chose to write it in this form? I should explain a little better… what I mean is, you’ve broken the poem down so it moves the beginning and ending half of a sentence to a different line, I was wondering if there was some purpose to that? What I really liked about this poem is that you never told us exactly whom you were talking about. This could be many different people and I think that helps the readers relate more, it makes the poem more personal to them, or at least to me, because this could be me talking about blank… if you know what I mean? I hope you do! Thanks for sharing this piece with all of us. It’s wonderful to see you back again and I hope you’ll continue sharing more poems!  "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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wwzwlmd8 Member
since 2006-09-23
Posts 96San Diego,CA |
I LOVED IT! this was a very powerful poem Iwould love to read more of your poems. welcome back to pip. |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Powerful. Nice to see you back again. going in library. Brilliant write |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
OMFG ITS THE GIRL NEXT DOOR!!! i missed ur poems by lots! this was amazing. i loved it heather. TEMP oh and would u mind commenting about my poem Just another soldier?? it would mean alot. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
Thank you all so much.. wow.. I didnt' think this was that good but thank you.. Stargal.. in the first two lines and last two lines it is one sentence split up.. I didn't do that for any reason but the reason it's like that is becuase if you were to split this into to stanzas it would be in lines of four.. and I like things organized so I made it so the second and forth lines of each stanza would rhyme I just didn't put any space between each stanza. I put it all together.. Thank you.. I missed all of you that I know.. and I enjoy reading everyone's work.. it's all great.. if you don't know me.. welcome to pip.. this place is great!!! ~heatheR~ Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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pencil&paper Member
since 2006-09-09
Posts 76asleep somewhere in my head |
i agree, this is a really amazing and powerful poem thanx for posting it oh and welcome back  "Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."~Angela Monet |
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CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248 |
The world is at my fingertips, and he's my helping hand, welcome back indeed. i think this is great heather, and im sorry i didnt get to it earlier. welldone loviie<3 |
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Jess Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 243Washington |
I really like this poem. My only criticism is that the rhymes didnt flow quite as nicely in the second half of the poem as they did in the first. |
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shattered-smiles Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 247inside the shadows |
Great poem Heather. For me, the only thing that seemed forced were your sentances. Just the whole breaking up the setances thing. Other than that, it was great! |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
Wow I read the poem thought woah great write then I read the replies and thought Rhia..? and Stargal..??? they haven't been here for a long long time then I looked at the date of your poem.. Hope to read more soon  Krysti |
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