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Teen Poetry #8
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self sabotage
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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self sabotage |
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littlemiss Junior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 16 |
It's a little more long winded than I'd usually do and the flows not quite there in bits, but I just kind of wrote the first thing that came in my head rather than changing stuff around. Ever think things are too good to be true Think things are to perfect from your point of view Wonder how things are going so great At first you think this must be fate Although it makes me feel uneasy, unsettled and unsure There’s no way this can be so wonderful and so pure I sit around and wait, for this all to fall apart Wait for it to shatter around me, for you to break my heart. The waiting is unbearable; there are no signs so far I can’t take this perfection much longer it really is bazaar This situation is getting out of hand That’s it I’ve had enough, I’m taking back command I’ll dig a little deeper; the cracks will begin to show I just have to search a little harder; I’ll find the flaws I know I’ll take a little mole hill, and create a giant big mountain I’ll get my drama and my pain, the days I will be counting I really don’t understand the distress I put myself through I just can’t let myself be happy, especially not with you My heart shall break of its own accord, you just watch and see My heart will not break because of you; it will break because of me |
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| © Copyright 2006 littlemiss - All Rights Reserved | |||
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
I loved this. Very hard to write about and you did a great job. It's hard to describe a feeling of too much perfection, so there must be something wrong. Like I said, verygood write. Just watch your rhyming, not to force it too much. AIM-beatufu1tragidy |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
very nice flow liked this lots... hunnie  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
good ending |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
the only thing that need to be changed is the simi-colins because there misused, but thats ok its nuthin big  this was good and i liked reading it. thanx for sharing,Bryan giant big is a double positive so it sounds kinda funny, just a hint though |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Ever think things are too good to be true (life is too) perfect from your point of view Wonder how things are going so great At first you think this must be (our) fate Although it makes me feel uneasy, unsettled and unsure There’s no way this can be wonderful and so pure I sit around and wait, for this all to(o) fall apart Wait for (love) to shatter and for you to break my heart. The waiting is unbearable; there are no signs (thus) far Can’t take this perfection much longer, it is toobazarre This situation is (getting out of) spinning out of my hands That’s it I’ve had enough, I’m taking back command I’ll dig a little deeper; the cracks will begin to show I just have to search a little harder; I’ll find the flaws I know I’ll take a little mole hill, and create a giant big mountain I’ll get my drama and my pain, the days I will be counting I really don’t understand the distress I put myself through I just can’t let myself be happy, especially not with you My heart shall break of its own accord, you just watch and see My heart will not break because of you; it will break because of me This moved swiftly each thought from line to line.Except for some parts the syllable count and rhyming was very good. |
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littlemiss Junior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 16 |
Thank you for all your comments and suggestions greatly appreciated  |
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pencil&paper Member
since 2006-09-09
Posts 76asleep somewhere in my head |
i really like this poem especially: My heart shall break of its own accord, you just watch and see My heart will not break because of you; it will break because of me "Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."~Angela Monet |
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