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hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2006-11-24 12:06 PM

Make Me Believe
hunnie

I want a guy that will hug me whenever I am cold,
a guy that says he'll love me even after I grow old,
I want to be the special person that he wants to hold,
I want to share my secrets to no one I have told,

I want a guy who will kiss away my tears if they ever fall,
and keep his promise, when he tells me that he'll call,
I want a guy who's not afraid to drive me up the wall,
and together we will laugh and say, "we're not crazy at all."

and when he promises never to leave,
he's one step closer to making me believe

I want him to visit even when I have the flu,
come to see me even if he has, better things to do,
but this is just a dream I have stumbled in onto,
wouldn't it be ironic if I could find someone like you.

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-11-24 04:53 PM

Nice ending line. It sowed it all together

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

2 posted 2006-11-25 07:25 PM

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is seriously one of the best poems ever read. totally awesome. Keep up the good work!

Toodles,
Pen

overcome by the dark flames of depression

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

3 posted 2006-11-25 09:07 PM

Defidently going in my library. amazing. There was only one part that kind of stumbled in reading and that was this:

I want to be the special person that he wants to hold,
I want to share my secrets to no one I have told,

Maybe you can change the last line to "I want to share secrets that have never been told" instead, soemthing that flows a bit better. The ended was fantastic. My absolute favorite by you

Erin

AIM-beatufu1tragidy

Tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself.

MixedChica
Junior Member

since 2006-11-10

Posts 34

4 posted 2006-11-25 11:56 PM

this is a really well written poem it flowed well together. I can relate completely. Great job

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2006-11-26 10:17 PM

i didn't like that line either but that does sound better, i couldn't really think of anything else...
thanx everyone for your replies.
hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

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