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Teen Poetry #8
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Pretty Pretty
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Pretty Pretty |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! 
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pretty dreams wrapped in a silk dress lying there on your bed with a pretty gold tiara to put on your head i tried so hard to give you all i had it wasnt enough, i know i put my heart in believing that we wernt decieving but you cant hide broken glass i left for you i gave it all away i put it up, just to let it fall theres nothing more to say |
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| © Copyright 2006 Bryan Girton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Adored the title and liked i tried so hard to give you all i had it wasnt enough, i know i put my heart in believing that we wernt decieving but you cant hide broken glass so much. Needs punctuation and grammar fixes and stuff |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey Tempest, Thanks for your comment on "dead" it's nice to know I've been missed  "pretty dreams wrapped in a silk dress lying there on your bed with a pretty gold tiara to put on your head" I loved this part; i was so confused on where you were going to go with this after reading the first stanza but I felt like you wrapped the whole thing up nicely. The whole poem just seemed to fit together with no problems in the "storyline/content". Enjoyed the read a lot and, hopefully, i'll read more soon "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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synthetic Member
since 2006-06-10
Posts 70ontario, canada |
This piece was slow and thought provoking. The manner in which you worded this made me feel like I knew the story; yet, was compelled to continue. Not an A+ in comparison to your finer pieces, but it was clean, heartfelt and subtly powerful. I'm happy I read it. |
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
It reminded me of a song I heard last week on the radio  But seriously I really liked this. -Ash- |
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Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
well match, it actually is a song that i am currently in the process of recording. when it is finished i will put it on my myspace. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
dude, every time i read one of your poems its like im warped into a diffrent world. this one is just astounding. |
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