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freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2008-12-08 08:06 PM

I'm an open, uncompleted book
Write anything you may
When the last chapter is written
The book will be thrown away

A page is worthless
Go ahead, tear out a few
There's no effect to the ending
And it sure won't affect you

The cover is fragile
Easily it will bend
Cuz I have no backbone
Through the pages you'll see the trend

The edges are sharp
So take care when you read
I'm sure to bite
Whenever there's a need

The title draws a blank
No words left to describe this life
All happiness had sank
Drowning in the lies

I'm an open, brittle book
The author is me
When the last chapter is written
Only dust they will see

I love pancakes!!!

TrueDesire12
Junior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 11
England

1 posted 2008-12-09 03:43 PM

I like this poem, very meaningful

TrueDesire
xx

xsaamaanthaax
Junior Member

since 2008-11-28

Posts 21
USA, Arizona.

2 posted 2008-12-10 10:56 PM

Like it alot.
Very nice.
Alot of emotions.
Alot of reality I can relate to.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2008-12-12 04:39 PM

Wow I think this would be one of your greatest poems I've read form you by far. The flow was great and the story came in clear. Great work! (Library)

-Zach

I'D RATHER BE ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY!!!! XP

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

4 posted 2008-12-13 12:19 PM

I really like the first stanza and just the overall wording of this. Good write! Two suggestion though , I think sank should be sunk and don't use abbreviations or slang in a poem because it takes away from the power- so change cuz to because.Other than that I really liked this and it flowed pretty well.
Rhia

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

5 posted 2008-12-13 06:25 PM

Thanks for the suggestions, your so so right about how abreviations or slang might take away from the power of the poem, but i guess the word 'cuz' is just me, and if you were to see all my poems i've posted i use cuz in most of them. it's just a part of my style and also how i talk. Thanks!!!

I love pancakes!!!

KandyGrl511
Member

since 2008-11-30

Posts 52
Michigan

6 posted 2008-12-26 10:04 PM

i loved it. the poem is soo meaningful~!?!~

~R.I.P~ Scott Ackley and Klye McGuire~

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