»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #8
»
Dead
| Teen Poetry #8 |
|
Dead |
|
|
Free_Spirit07 Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 222The middle of my mind! |
Hey everyone, I have been gone for a good while now, it looks like all the people way back when I started here, have gone also, and looks like all our old poems have been deleted. Guess they were taking up too much room, anyhow, I will leave a poem or two, tell me whatcha think! - Dead - Why does this emptiness never go away? How can I keep living with this killing pain? I cant explain it Its WAY beyond my words Its like im alive but dead all at the same time If only I had the answers - if only I could hear a reply Why isn't it simple? Why isn't it fun? I don't see the point in crying anymore - is there one? The hurt and pain still stays The situations don't go away How can I explain? I cant - there ain't no way Its like im here and there all at the same time Wish I could change this feeling Change how im living But im still here breathing Is there hope? Is there an ending? Where? When? Why? Cant it just be now? Its fading .... My life .... Everything I had - Gone with a few simple words I cant come back I cant live today Dead...just rotting away! x0x0 |
||
| © Copyright 2006 Free_Spirit07 - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
k so i liked it alot and there are alot of good rhyms in it and it definatly had a centripital pull to it. really, it sucked me in. its good, i suggest you read " a promise i may never keep" by my favorite poet jessica wilton (A.K.A. RevengeIsMine) |
||
|
Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
U WILL NEVER TAKE ME FROM HER, HAHAHAHA!! srry but this is a inside joke atwixt moi et mlle jessica. (me and jessica) je m'excuse pour le interuption. |
||
|
themute Member
since 2006-05-08
Posts 469Maryland |
The flow got in the way of my reading this, it has conversational/vernacular words, but the sentence structure isn't in a conversational style e.g... "How can I explain? I cant - there ain't no way Its like im here and there all at the same time." I would say you should either work on the style for future poems to make the combination more real or relaxed, or stick to either dramatic or conversational. Because right now, this juxtaposition isn't working that well. Hope that was helpful. I am the two-toed wanderer |
||
|
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
u speak french? Im learning it here and italian at the sam time. it sucks I liked this , it was relatable so much |
||
|
Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
oui je parle francais, mais je est mouvais a parler a francais. je n'explique pas tres bon, et je est tres trist parce n'person pas peu parler dons le PIP |
||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow... It's been awhile since I've seen this name posting and it's about time! Welcome back again to piptalk. No, old poems haven't been deleted just moved to archives. I liked the poem, just not as well as some of your other ones I've read. I would love to see more from you though! It is so nice seeing one of the first people I met on pip back again... Thanks for sharing!  PS-Amo l'italiano!...Pourquoi est-il ce là sont-il ainsi beaucoup plus de personnes alors I ont-elles jamais pensé qu'il y aurait pour parler français ? J'ai pensé que le monde... err... Les Etats-Unis faisaient à Espagnol la deuxième langue... Yah, my spelling is horrible when I'm trying to speak french... lolz "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
||
|
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I understood I understand french, and the rest is greek. No fair everyone speaks french but me... ahh and im the one havin to learn it. Yay stargal is bac and i c others are to |
||
|
Free_Spirit07 Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 222The middle of my mind! |
STARGIRL, yeah I remember you, its been a while aye? There are all these new ppl now, I feel totally weird. Memba a while back when we all knew each other, like a family sorta thing? lol. Anyways, thanks for the comments I really appriecate it. And NO im sorry I dont speak French..lol.. x0x0 |
||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Yeah, I remember that, things have really changed I guess. I'm kind of not getting onto pip anymore because all these new people came and the old left so I'm feeling kinda outa things. All well... Like I said nice seeing a familiar face around here  "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
||
|
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I wasnt there when i t hink u guys are talking about. but I agree with stargal when we knew everyone. Hunnie is a round only som times. Bekah too. Haley left, so did byron and kira. ali400 is gone and she used to post alot here, so did water fairy. Butter cup and tapper and kind of gone to they dont post as much. I miss it. everyone is leaving. |
||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I guess I’m thinking even farther back then you rhia, I’m not sure if you were around either… but like latteaddict213 – Jessica doesn’t come on anymore, neither does mgoodman1989, electricxheart , the_girl_next_door, broken_smile1469, young_blood, actually the list just goes on and on… lolz Here we are talking like we’re old timers when I really haven’t even been around a whole year yet it’s kind of funny… except, the thing about then was I think we actually got more replies per poem either that or my memory is playing tricks on me. Anyway, enuff of that "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
||
|
tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
I was just thinking about that today, like how not as many people post here from when i started. Like I remember peaches_n_cream, and alli, and alot of people have left. and I think I'm remember back not as far as stargal is talking about, but around the same time rhia is. Anyways, about the poem, I agree with the above, the flow was kind of off, but good nonetheless! Keep it up and keep posting, it might seem wierd but even if it's not the same "family" it's still nice to have the feedback and find others relate! AIM-beatufu1tragidy |
||
|
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Yeah , i can kinda agree. It used to be close like people all knew each other and there was one or two new people. I remember, mgoodman1989, electricxheart(kinda) , the_girl_next_door, broken_smile1469, young_blood all of those. i remember alli too, everyone is all new now.Its cool but different. |
||
|
Tempest Member
since 2006-04-28
Posts 247dont eat paint chips!!!! |
STARGAL,I MISSED YOU!!!! i thought u had dissapeared! man its good to see you on here. |
||
|
vexx Junior Member
since 2007-04-20
Posts 14denmark/bornholm |
i loved the poem...it filled me with a cold peace that i have not felt for some time exuse me if that sound wierd but thats how i feel about it |
||
|
stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow... Talk about a lovely surprise to see this thing again! Spirit you still around or has this just been unburied? "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
