Life, Love, Loss & Leaving... (Daddy's Sleeping Cold Tonight)

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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-10-22 02:08 AM

Okay Guys, This is by far the WORST POEM i have written this year... and its confusing.. BUT IT"S LIFE lolz..

*Okay Guy's I've Edited This Soo Much Since I First Posted It.. Still A Really lame Poem but much better than what it was.. thanks for reading.. xx**

______________________________________________
Life, Love, Loss and Leaving

Life

Here we go again you and your desires
Scream little louder daddy you’re hanging from the wires
Tangled in the lies you’re hiding from your wife
Scream a little louder daddy this is mearly life

Love

She was two steps from the edge but she held on some how
And even god himself couldn’t blame her now
She gave him one more year to finally make things right
But if this is really love then she’s giving in tonight

Loss

She was walking across the road holding a loaded gun
Taking out every light bulb, shattering them one by one
She was building a brand new wall to keep her safe inside
Because Sometimes a place to live is mearly a place to hide

So Tell Me Daddy.....

Will you rise or you will you fall
Will you walk or will you crawl
Will you dream in black and white
Will you stand alone to fight

But you didn't bend you watched her break
You gave her more than she could take
There's no angel left to shine your light
My daddy's sleeping cold tonight....

She's Leaving Daddy....

[This message has been edited by RevengeIsMine (10-22-2008 10:18 AM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2008-10-22 12:07 PM

this, is really good. really

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2008-10-22 04:21 PM

What?! Jess have a suck-ish poem?! That's unimaginable!!! That would never happen.. Your way to good of a writer. I thought this poem wasn't half bad. Made sense, Steady rhyming. Last time I checked that was a poem...

-Zach

"I'd rather be anything but ordinary!!"

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2008-10-22 07:08 PM

WOW..

SEA i think thats the first really good i've ever gotten from you.. WOW factor lolz..

Aww Zach... Thats soo nice of u too say!

I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

4 posted 2008-10-22 07:47 PM

wow... bad poem my butt.......this was amazing.. just as good as any of your poems

much love,
keagan

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

5 posted 2008-10-25 11:09 AM

HOLY GEEZE!! This is GREAT! how did I miss this earlier? The flow is perfect, the emotions are boiling the ink off the page, what do you mean this is no good?!?

LIBRARY!

OH SHUT UP SHUT UP AND GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE!!!!

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

6 posted 2008-10-26 03:47 PM

HOLY JESUS JESS!! can you say perfection?

RedNail
Member

since 2008-02-29

Posts 65
Stockholm, Sweden

7 posted 2008-10-28 04:57 PM

You've done better before but this is still good, you cute thing.

Life is a rollercoster, live for the ride.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

8 posted 2008-10-28 08:28 PM

hi RedNail..

I'm flattered about the cute bit lolz.. I know it's not my best infact i still think its my worst poem this year...

Thanks..

xx

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

9 posted 2008-10-30 08:16 PM

Well I don't care what you think, I thought it was great. Jess you could never write a bad poem..not even if you tried with all you have.
luv ya (library)

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#}
{~Emily~}

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