Teen Poetry #8 |
Life, Love, Loss & Leaving... (Daddy's Sleeping Cold Tonight) |
RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
Okay Guys, This is by far the WORST POEM i have written this year... and its confusing.. BUT IT"S LIFE lolz.. *Okay Guy's I've Edited This Soo Much Since I First Posted It.. Still A Really lame Poem but much better than what it was.. thanks for reading.. xx** ______________________________________________ Life, Love, Loss and Leaving Life Here we go again you and your desires Scream little louder daddy you’re hanging from the wires Tangled in the lies you’re hiding from your wife Scream a little louder daddy this is mearly life Love She was two steps from the edge but she held on some how And even god himself couldn’t blame her now She gave him one more year to finally make things right But if this is really love then she’s giving in tonight Loss She was walking across the road holding a loaded gun Taking out every light bulb, shattering them one by one She was building a brand new wall to keep her safe inside Because Sometimes a place to live is mearly a place to hide So Tell Me Daddy..... Will you rise or you will you fall Will you walk or will you crawl Will you dream in black and white Will you stand alone to fight But you didn't bend you watched her break You gave her more than she could take There's no angel left to shine your light My daddy's sleeping cold tonight.... She's Leaving Daddy.... [This message has been edited by RevengeIsMine (10-22-2008 10:18 AM).] |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this, is really good. really |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
What?! Jess have a suck-ish poem?! That's unimaginable!!! That would never happen.. Your way to good of a writer. I thought this poem wasn't half bad. Made sense, Steady rhyming. Last time I checked that was a poem... -Zach "I'd rather be anything but ordinary!!" |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
WOW.. SEA i think thats the first really good i've ever gotten from you.. WOW factor lolz.. Aww Zach... Thats soo nice of u too say! |
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I am the arch angel Member
since 2008-02-02
Posts 167nowhere,illinois,USA |
wow... bad poem my butt.......this was amazing.. just as good as any of your poems much love, keagan |
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Earl Robertson Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753BC, Canada |
HOLY GEEZE!! This is GREAT! how did I miss this earlier? The flow is perfect, the emotions are boiling the ink off the page, what do you mean this is no good?!? LIBRARY! OH SHUT UP SHUT UP AND GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE!!!! |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
HOLY JESUS JESS!! can you say perfection? |
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RedNail Member
since 2008-02-29
Posts 65Stockholm, Sweden |
You've done better before but this is still good, you cute thing. Life is a rollercoster, live for the ride. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
hi RedNail.. I'm flattered about the cute bit lolz.. I know it's not my best infact i still think its my worst poem this year... Thanks.. xx |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Well I don't care what you think, I thought it was great. Jess you could never write a bad poem..not even if you tried with all you have. luv ya (library) {~~*~~} "You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#} |
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