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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-10-05 10:19 AM

Okay so I've been chatting with mum and she's been having these dreams all of them revolve around the many times my dad has cheated on her in the past.. He is not, to my knowledge cheating on her atm but mum keeps having this dream.. anyway most of u all know my family past so i hope this makes sense if not then i'm sorry in advance... xxx

____________________________________________

A Beautiful Lie

So tell me was it worth it
To see the tears run down her face
You broke her down good this time
I hope you drown in your disgrace

She fell amongst the damsels
And died in her distress
You couldn’t see the bloodshed
But it was splatterd on her dress

It took 15 years of marriage
A bullet and a gun
To re-write all the chapters
That she wished had not begun

With the sound of breaking glass
The bullet left the gun
Smashed right through the picture frame
And embedded in her son

With swollen eyes she fell to the ground
Oh god this can’t be true
Please don’t let him die tonight
Oh god what do I do

_________________
She awakes again from the same dream
That she’s been having for days
Each time there’s a different ending
That starts in many ways

She will fall amongst the damsels
But yet she shall not cry
After all he is her husband
And she lives a beautiful lie

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

1 posted 2008-10-05 10:29 AM

wow, great and amazing and nothing short of what i expected.

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

2 posted 2008-10-05 10:43 AM

Speechlessly good. The flow was perfect. These 2 stanza's are my favourite.

"She fell amongst the damsels
And died in her distress
You couldn’t see the bloodshed
But it was splatterd on her dress

It took 15 years of marriage
A bullet and a gun
To re-write all the chapters
That she wished had not begun"

Keep it up.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2008-10-05 10:43 AM

Aww ur way too nice too me.. get on MSN so we can catch up!

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

4 posted 2008-10-05 10:59 AM

Wow Jess. Your amazing when it comes to writing!! lol.. I'm sorta jealous :P lol. Love this poem.. (Library)

-Zach

"I'd rather be anything but ordinary!!"

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

5 posted 2008-10-05 11:11 AM

OMG Zach.. Hugs n kisses

thanks for the comments guys

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2008-10-05 12:04 PM

WOW Jess hunn. this is amazing! I have been greatly missing your poems.
Krysti

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

7 posted 2008-10-05 11:31 PM

Absolutly, Wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live in the present but don't forget the future

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

8 posted 2008-10-06 05:25 AM

this poem is absolutly spectacular. i loved how it flowed off the screen and into my mind, the imagry you put there was really sad amazing. you write great poetry and i wish i could be this good, lol. please keep up the fantastic writing!!! and i'm sorry about your past, i hope your doing okay.
library.

.:~]Julianna[~:.

"Somewhere under the rainbow...there will be thunderstorms."

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

9 posted 2008-10-06 05:46 AM

Thanks Soo Soo Much Guys.

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

10 posted 2008-10-06 08:28 PM

Wow Jess! Just Wow. That's one of the greatest poems I've seen in a long time! Such amazing flow!

OH SHUT UP SHUT UP AND GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE!!!!

Taylor See
Member

since 2008-10-07

Posts 55
North Carolina, US

11 posted 2008-10-07 02:33 PM

This is very well written!

And I definitely agree with Octave, my favorite lines are:

She fell amongst the damsels
And died in her distress
You couldn’t see the bloodshed
But it was splatterd on her dress

Keep up the good work!

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

12 posted 2008-10-07 09:27 PM

So...When are ya gunna teach me how to write as amazingly fantastic as you?
hehe just kidding.
Great write as always...I really wish somebody would come up with a word to discribe your work..I mean, even Supercallafragilisticexpialladotous don't sum it up..
(and we'll just pretend that's the way u spell it

) luv ya,

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#}
{~Emily~}

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

13 posted 2008-10-09 05:31 PM

Wow. I haven't read something that good for ages, and I'm currently in a creative writing class. wow.

-Kate

"Lucy: I think you are the most selfish person on the planet. George: Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?"

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