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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-09-18 04:01 AM

So here we go. My A+ Free-Verse Poem. Bout time I saw an A again. So this is about my dad if u can't gather. As you know always shakey ground!..
Thanks For Reading Guys!!

______________________________________________

She Cries You Know

This hourglass of incapability, the sillihoute of broken dreams
She stands up just so you notice her, acts strong just so you’ll be proud
But still it’ll never be enough. The shoes you left her are to big to fill

She cries tears of disappointment

You see her driving in her car on her way to work, such a perfect life
A house, a boy, money and soon a baby, It doesn’t get any better
She smiles and you think she’s happy but yet she’s lives a lie

Her dreams they haunt her, all the things she was supposed to be
She messed it up. Messed it up big time.
Backed into a corner slid down the wall and she cried
You left her there. You walked away and left her

She Cried For You!

She cries because those scars you made hurt like hell
They ache so much they make her sick

She hit rock bottom
Fell into a solitude of lonliness
But she got back up
And when you think that she’s not breathing
Or coping all that well
You’ll find her in the picture frame
Hiding from the truth
You’ll never really love her the same way she loves you

And through her mask of perfection don’t be fooled by her smile
There’s always beauty in the breakdown

And She Cries You Know!!!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2008-09-18 10:07 AM

I really liked this, except for the last "she cries you know". I don't think that needs to be there, but? It's not my poem

Glad you got the A!

claireifyme
New Member

since 2008-10-24

Posts 4
USA

2 posted 2008-10-24 11:03 PM

same comments as SEA
but some of your line breaks don't make much sense...
they're generally used to put emphasis on important words or ideas, but yours seemed a little bit all over the place.
But other than that, I really liked this poem.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2008-10-25 02:12 AM

Thanks Claireifyme,
I don't write free-verse... only because i HAVE TOO... a u will see if u look at all my other work i'm a rhymer and i'm good at so thats what i stick with.. Thanks again

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