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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2008-09-13 09:05 PM

Looking at my world.
Only in black and white.
Little trouble is cause.
Cause there is no wrong or right.

What havoc is raised
behind these tear shed eye's
Holding myself together
Ignoring all the lies.

Sheltered for my outside world.
A locked up heart.
A sealed up mind.

~Sorry for the disappointing poem I can't think of anything that rhymes with "heart" and fits pretty well in this poem.. Hope you enjoyed of what I wrote.. =/~

Sara Mikael
Junior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 34

1 posted 2008-09-14 08:42 AM

no,,,,,what a wonderful poem

THE PAIN OF LOVE

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

2 posted 2008-09-14 02:30 PM

zach...you need to stop puttin yourself down!!!!! this is a great poem...and you ARE a good writer, now don't start that fight with me again...

~*Julianna*~

"You don't know me...but I know you. That's all that matters right now... Mr.Rainey!" - Secret Window

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

3 posted 2008-09-15 02:09 AM

Looking at my world.
Only in black and white.
Little trouble is cause.
Cause there is no wrong or right.

What havoc is raised
behind these tear shed eye's
Holding myself together
Ignoring all the lies.

Sheltered for my outside world.
A locked up heart.
A sealed up mind.

Dear Zach,

           So let's assume it is a crappy poem.  Why do you think I would let you off simply by allowing you to say so?
What is it specifically that actually make this a crappy poem; and what are the things in it that make it less crappy?

     Both of us know that if I tell you it's not crappy you'll feel a little bit of relief, but you won't stop calling the poem or yourself crappy, don't we?  I mean, don't we?

     So why not figure out what is crappy, how crappy is it, and how do you fix it?

     I've published stuff occasionally, and my stuff is still mostly crappy.  The question is, how do you deal with it so you simply don't stop there?

Sincerely,

Bob Kaven

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

4 posted 2008-09-15 12:39 PM

Wow if thats crappy then i suck. I really liked this, and i agree with the others, there is no crappy poems, its just how you veiw them.

Becca

The hollow emptiness, the crazed thoughts left to survive

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

5 posted 2008-09-15 05:04 PM

man this was an awesome piece of work. not crappy at all.

and dude... i know what u mean about the whole deal with rhyming heart dawg!! its hard. the only three i know are start and apart and part.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

6 posted 2008-09-15 08:09 PM

it was great. its only a crappy poem if you want it to be.

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

7 posted 2008-09-16 08:30 PM

there is no such thing as a crappy poem. . . .everything you write is from the heart. oh and there are a lot of words that ryhme with heart:start,part,dart,art,tart,apart,mart,cart,and a lot more that i can't think of!! lol. I love this poem. don't worry about everything not rhyiming you are still an excellent writer....

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