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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2008-08-21 06:10 PM

sorry doesnt cut it
when you've been saying it too long
dont try to fix what you messed up
your caught red handed and wrong

and if i bled you my pain
that you gave to me
you could'nt stay afloat
you'd drown out at sea

you'd struggle and fight
but this currents too strong
you could kick and squirm
but not for too long

and then you would know
how it feels to be me
kicking and fighting
to survive out at sea

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

1 posted 2008-08-21 08:20 PM

OH MAN!!! That was Briliant!!

Great JOB Mr. Orange!

Be who you are
And say what you feel
'Cause those who mind don't matter
And those who matter don't mind
-Dr Suess

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

2 posted 2008-08-21 10:06 PM

Wow.. amazing.. such Talent..

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

3 posted 2008-08-22 06:35 AM

thanks you both so much.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

4 posted 2008-08-23 12:07 PM

this is amazing. i love the imagry you put in my head. stunning.

~*Julianna*~

"You don't know me...but I know you. That's all that matters right now... Mr.Rainey!" - Secret Window

BeyaK
Member

since 2008-08-07

Posts 126
Philippines

5 posted 2008-08-23 04:05 PM

and then you would know
how it feels to be me
kicking and fighting
to survive out at sea

-- love the whole piece but i love the last 4 lines the most. this is really great.

~~*K. B.*~~

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2008-08-24 04:05 AM

loved this Bryan had a flow and words i really enjoyed
Krysti

WaterFairy103
Member

since 2006-05-31

Posts 196

7 posted 2008-08-24 01:11 PM

This is fabulous, Bryan!! Another piece of art. This is really one of my favorites, the imagery and rhythm were fantastic. = ] Good job!
H2O

Do the day, and let the day do you. - S. King

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

8 posted 2008-08-25 11:23 AM

oh wow! this is really good! especially the first two lines- its a really strong opening and you were able to keep up the intensity throughout the entire poem! good job

xoxo,
Jaki H

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