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Teen Poetry #8

Just to live one more day

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

0 posted 2006-10-28 09:09 PM

This will probably only be understood by me but i decided to post it anyway.

The desperation in her voice
tells me she needs to escape
But I won't give her that choice
I'm forcing her to stay

That might be cliche
but thats okay
'cause either way
I'll still pray
for her to just live
one more day...

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-10-29 10:57 AM

Well, for me it was something I could understand and apply(?) to things going on in my life, at the moment. What I think of this might not be what you were trying to convey but I liked how it was written. In writing it like this it gives the reader a wider choice of what this could be instead of a set story-poem or something like that.

I liked both of the stanzas a lot; and I liked how the poem was short-er. In being short it seems to convey more of a boost because you have to take something from what there is, if that makes sense?

Thanks for sharing this poem. I found it to be very enjoyable read

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

2 posted 2006-10-29 01:46 PM

thanks stargal : )

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

3 posted 2006-10-30 10:12 AM

I thought this told a very common story but in different words and from your point of view. I like this , it conveyed the same emotions or more you would expect of a poem way longer onn the same topic. Only you can do that.
Amazing write

Belinda
Member

since 2006-01-30

Posts 126
UK

4 posted 2006-10-30 11:42 AM

Hmm..not sure what to say..

I did like it though .. very deep I thought ..

Keep it up

Belinda~x

bekahlekah45
Senior Member

since 2006-03-14

Posts 533

5 posted 2006-10-30 03:34 PM

thanks y'all!
(no im not southern *USA* haha)
I thought for sure it'd be confusing for you all. glad you found it enjoyable!

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