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Teen Poetry #8
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| Teen Poetry #8 |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
sometimes you make me feel out of place, like wearing scubs in a room full of lace, you scream fingt and yell, makeing me wish you'd go to hell, you always were the chiper one, tons of friends hanging in the sun, you say, life is good get with it, i swear at you between the blows and hits, is this how you want us to end our day, with nothing to do, nothing left to say, i will not stand a life with hate, love me again before it's too late. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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| © Copyright 2006 Krysti - All Rights Reserved | |||
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
forced rhyme and spelling....thats all i can say to make it better, otherwise...purdy good...= ) |
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WaterFairy103 Member
since 2006-05-31
Posts 196 |
I liked this, but you may need to work on it a little. The flow was off, but i did like the rhyming! All in all, nice job. But try to work on finding words that mean the same thing with different syllable numbers...but that's ridiculous, so good job! When I stopped trying find the right guy, and concentrated on being the right girl, the right guy found me. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
tx for your responses i will think about that... hunnie  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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Mr. Omniscient Member
since 2006-10-28
Posts 134 |
Very nice... great unique concept. I can't find any problems worth calling out.  |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK |
Lovin' It !! 'sometimes you make me feel out of place, like wearing scubs in a room full of lace' Loved this part I though it was extremley effective Look forward to hearing more !! Belinda~x |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Liked the smoothness of this poem and how it read so well. Only thing I would holler about would be some of the spellings of certain words. It’s like you know how they’re spelled but didn’t take the time to spell them? lol Great poem thanks for sharing! "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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