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Teen Poetry #8
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Poem or Song?
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Poem or Song? |
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XoDenisseoX Junior Member
since 2008-08-09
Posts 14 |
((My boyfriend and I are kinda seeing who can write the best song about each other haha yea we are very lame... but im really used to writing poems and its kind hard breaking the habit... so i would love love sum help on this )) Turned my world upside down Got to know me inside out I was thirsty for something new My walls turned useless against you & It took me by surprise How easily you got through {should i keep the "i was" or start with Thirsty?} (chorus) Forgetting sanity Risking my safety Ignoring all my fears I'm falling deeper in Love, Love the different way i see things Shown to me through bright blue eyes Love the way you hold on to me & How easily i fit into your arms Love my reaction to your touch & The way your always warm (chorus) Forgetting sanity (Blind with faith and trust) Risking my safety (Giving you my all) Ignoring all my fears(Everything u need, you have) I'm falling deeper in (To make or destroy my life) Wonder what it is, you saw in me Forever glad i cought your eye In all this noise you are my silence You are The moon in my dark night The world spins so fast my knees give in I realize with open arms you wait for me. hmm comments would be soo appreciated! you can trash it if its trash worthy i wont mind... as long as its your opinion... and no i do not have a beat or melody to it cus im musically challegened to me it still flows like a poem... |
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| © Copyright 2008 XoDenisseoX - All Rights Reserved | |||
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
I really liked it. And i think keep the "I was" in the first part. Sounds good. I hope to see more, and welcome to pip. {~~*~~} "You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans....#} |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I really don't know much about song writing, but I know that I liked this a lot!  Welcome to pip! *please check your email for a special greeting! |
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Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!  As a fellow song writer, I think this is a really decent piece of work. As for the "Thirsty" or "I was"... let the music decide. How do you hear it when you sing it in your head? What would you attempt to do...if you knew you could not fail?. |
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Just.Another.Falling.Star Member
since 2008-05-08
Posts 422Canada |
this would do amazing for a song. i absolutly loved it. if i had a boyfriend, i would probably write something like this for him, even if it wasn't a contest. just make sure its all the truth. then everything will be perfect. so good luck with him and hope this helps!! library!! p.s. welcome to pip! waiting to hear more from you! ~*Julianna*~ |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
love this.. i havent read his but man.. i think you are gunna win lol  Krysti |
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hiddenIntheDark Junior Member
since 2008-08-27
Posts 20 |
I loved it!!!! I don't know if you should keep the i was, i was leaning towards no, but someone else said yes so I dont know haha. |
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XoDenisseoX Junior Member
since 2008-08-09
Posts 14 |
awhh thank you guys! for the welcomes and the comments =] for the "I was" thing i was also leaning against no but now im not sure either lol anyway Ive only heard like the first verse of his and its really good! yet he is a loser and got stuck there haha when i write it ALL flows out or else i never finish it so i guess i win? lol not really... but yeah grr i wish i could remember what i saw of his so you guys could see =] anyway thank you! |
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