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Teen Poetry #8

broken memories

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2006-10-28 01:07 AM

memories flashing through my head,
skipping rocks out on the beach,
the dreams we shared the things we said,
but all is lose all is dead,

now i can't share my hurt and pain,
when i needed a friend you ignored me more,
not understanding i'm going insane,
being depressed is an emotional drain,

i expected more from you than this,
now dreams are floating over our heads,
sharing my tears in something i miss,
you might have been my friend but you are still my sis.

i don't really like this poem much but tell me what y'all think.
~hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-10-28 06:54 AM

Its really raw emotion. Good and bad thing. ADds realness to your poem but the flow is off. YOu could just make minor changes, or you could edit around and make it more polished.

BTW lose i think is meant to be lost

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-10-29 11:18 PM

oh yes it is supposed to be lost oops and tx rhia for replying.
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

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