Teen Poetry #8 |
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Serving the Devil |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain ![]() |
the wind whispers in my ear as your words are slowly re-played when winter came you turned austere as you finally completely slipped away. i wonder while im walking what is going on with You are you happy or sad with what i've done? i only wish i knew. the leaves blow along the street and all sounds are distant to me with each and every heartbeat im breaking farther from Your love. stopping for a moment to watch the young kid's run i wish for something that is long absent the innocence of child's play. slipping away from sanity is really all so simple to do my mind begins to get hazy and i will myself to some insane one's hands. stolen from myself i lost my young heart too soon now i know it will never heal forever am i doomed to gloom. the master of evil stole my heart from God i wish i'd known how to block my soul cause then i wouldn't be hell-clod would i now or was i meant for fire?? one mistake i knew i'd make was falling away from Him i wish i'd just trusted myself a little more so my life wouldn't have to be so grim. sin eats at my soul and i know ive given in forever from now on my life's whole will be serving a beast...the Devil, as much as i tell myself no. no i really am not like this just saying..its just a poem i thought i'd write... |
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© Copyright 2006 Marisa F - All Rights Reserved | |||
rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
slipping away from sanity is really all so simple to do my mind begins to get hazy and i will myself to some insane one's hands.*you already use losing sanity so how about\Crazy ones hand stolen from myself i lost my young heart too soon now i know it will never heal forever am i doomed to gloom.* here I think I am forever doomed to gloom would work better. the master of evil stole my heart from God i wish i'd known how to block my soul cause then i wouldn't be hell-clod would i now or was i meant for fire??*loved this whole stanza but the fire part was good but seemed somewhat off |
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nick_lyss Member
since 2006-08-21
Posts 88 |
I like this part the wind whispers in my ear as your words are slowly re-played when winter came you turned austere as you finally completely slipped away. I also like the title |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
thanks for the critique rhia, its much appriciated! ill defiantly work with that=] thanks alot nick_lyss, thanks for replying! it means alot that you enjoy my poetry ![]() ~missy |
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bekahlekah45 Senior Member
since 2006-03-14
Posts 533 |
yep i liked this one. i'm hardcore Christian so its kinda awrkward reading about serving the Devil lol but that has nothing to do with how it was written. and it was written well good job |
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buttercupbaby Member
since 2006-05-03
Posts 400outside in the rain |
thanks bekah, and I don't really serve the devil...=] i just wrote this poem with how i was feeling..i had just finished a book called "the last sin eater" about a person who has to eat other peoples sins so they can go to heaven, and i just decided i would write a poem about how i would feel if that was me...idk, but anyway, thanks! ![]() ~missy |
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