Romeo's broken love song. - pipTalk Forums

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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2008-07-06 10:27 AM

She loves me,

She loves me not..

What more can I do?

I gave all I got...
Love is harder

Then what you think.

Looking at my reflection.

Letting me bleed over the bathroom sink.
Arm burning red.

Along this steel, cold blade

Emotions running cold

While my soul seems to fade...
Drifting in the tides

And wishing for life to end

Drinking my mind away

All because your never were my friend....

I don't know about this poem guys... Should I change, add, take away anything?
This poem just sounds weird to me...Enjoy?

~Zach~

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb....,"he murmured. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion."

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

1 posted 2008-07-06 05:18 PM

It sounded just fine to me.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

2 posted 2008-07-07 01:06 PM

the fact that everything was broken was weird for me, put it together a bit more, it's sounds like it needs a bit of filling yet. it's great, but it could be imporved.

-Kate

"Lucy: I think you are the most selfish person on the planet. George: Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?"

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

3 posted 2008-07-07 01:40 PM

I agree with Kate, exellent potencial here but some polishing would not be missed.

Be who you are
And say what you feel
'Cause those who mind don't matter
And those who matter don't mind
-Dr Suess

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

4 posted 2008-07-07 02:07 PM

I thought it was fine. I've writen poems kinda like that. It's just like you can't seem to know what u feel so u just write what u can find. Great job, i wouldn't change it.

{~~*~~}

"You are not loyal enough to eat my orange jelly beans!...'cuase dat's just how I roll.."
{~Emily~}

[This message has been edited by XxForever.BrokenxX (07-07-2008 08:01 PM).]

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

5 posted 2008-07-07 06:35 PM

Awesome poem Zach. Shouldn't change a thing...its perfect the way it is. Library.

~*Julianna*~

"This lullaby is only a few words
A simple run of chords
Quiet here in this spare room
But you can hear it, hear it
Wherever you m

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