A Duet with The Talented Falling Rain

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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2008-05-18 10:38 PM

if you came to say im sorry
then its a waste of time
i already know what your gonna say
becase its the same old lines

bite your tounge
and swallow your words
write them down
and let them burn

it doesnt matter anyways
because no one will listen
as we walk away

Even if your gunna try.
I don't wanna here your sorry lies.
Because it doesn't matter anymore.
So bite your tounge. the only thing left is to say good-bye...

[This message has been edited by Clockwork_Orange (05-20-2008 06:48 AM).]

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

1 posted 2008-05-18 11:33 PM

As I started reading I was going to offer to help (I mean who doesn't want their name on an Orange poem?)
But then I got to the end and noticed this poem was done. The last line was brilliant in my books and it brought up a whole bunch of memories.
Beautiful.

"We all lead such elaborate lives, We don't know who's words are true." Aida

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2008-05-19 03:28 AM

I thought that the ending was somewhat abrupt, if indeed that was the end. What is your intent in regards to the last stanza?

I enjoyed the first two stanzas, the first in particular but the last stanza didn't seem to fit IMO. Perhaps I am missing the whole point of the poem in saying such.

Glad I had a chance to read another one of your poems, it was a treat as always.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2008-05-19 05:24 PM

if you came to say im sorry
then its a waste of time
i already know what your gonna say
becase its the same old lines

bite your tounge
and swallow your words
write them down
and let them burn

it doesnt matter anyways
because no one will listen
as we walk away

Even if your gunna try.
I don't wanna here your sorry lies.
Because it doesn't matter anymore.
So bite your tounge. the only thing left is to say good-bye...

-------------------------------------
I wanted to try and finish it for ya.. it sounded weird at the end.. but the story line was nice.. great job and i hope u like my additional part.

~Zach~

"Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant."

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

4 posted 2008-05-19 05:27 PM

Oh yeah Zach I can see what you're getting at there. I know I'm not the author but I would do this. (changing only one line lol)

Even if your gunna try.
I don't wanna here your sorry lies.
Because it doesn't matter anymore.
So bite your tounge. And walk away

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

5 posted 2008-05-19 09:35 PM

that would work too Earl. I'm glad you changed it slightly.. I didn't like my version all too well myself. lol

~Zach~

"Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant."

Bahigano
Junior Member

since 2008-05-13

Posts 31
Nebraska

6 posted 2008-05-20 12:18 PM

This is my favorite stanza in the whole poem

bite your tounge
and swallow your words
write them down
and let them burn

i really did like your poem though. thank you for sharing.
love
Lea

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