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Baby_Girl
Junior Member

since 2008-05-10

Posts 21
OH, United States

0 posted 2008-05-12 05:10 PM

Tolerant

I put up with every thing you do.
I listen to you,
But you don’t listen to me.
You blow me off like a fly on your shoulder.
You treat me like I am at your beck and call.
I am not your toy that you can play with at any time,
Then leave when your done,
And leave me sitting in a dark and dusty corner.
You say you love me,
But where is the proof.
Your words don’t mean a thing to me anymore.
I say I love you,
But I at least mean it.

~Baby_Girl~

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

1 posted 2008-05-12 05:37 PM

good job!! and welcome to passions

JJ

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2008-05-12 11:30 PM

Hi Baby_Girl,

Welcome to passions! I love seeing new faces and reading their poetry. I hope to see you more often.

I do have a personal quirky though and that is capitalization of the first letter in each line, I find it to be a little distracting to read when this is done, of course many people have opinions in regards to this so whatever floats your boat.

I think you did a good job in using the title, I think you demonstrated tolerance within the poem greatly by the actions of the "characters", which was wonderful to see.

Anyway, best of luck to you, I'm looking forward to seeing what else you have written.

Baby_Girl
Junior Member

since 2008-05-10

Posts 21
OH, United States

3 posted 2008-05-13 03:03 PM

Hey Guys!
Thanks for the warm welcome...
Also feel free to critique me any time...
I love to know when and where i mess up...
Thanks alot.

Baby~Girl

Baby~Girl

jbal892
Member

since 2007-11-25

Posts 58

4 posted 2008-05-13 11:15 PM

wow awesome first write! I just went through something like this!

Bahigano
Junior Member

since 2008-05-13

Posts 31
Nebraska

5 posted 2008-05-14 03:34 PM

Hey,
I think that was very well written i just joined Piptalk. So i don't know a whole lot but i have been reading the poems and i think yours is good.
Always
Lea

hunnie_girl