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Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

0 posted 2008-04-11 05:13 PM

ummm. just wrote this and im not sure if it goes against the rules here but oh well ill try. its about suicide but is certainly not advocating it its saying dont do it so here it is.

oh, its really untitled fyi

___________________________________________________

Did you see it in her eyes
the burning hate, the awful lies
she breaks down, and sobs and cries
as she lifts her razor high

All her laughs an artful guise
all this pain leads to demise
crimson relief, choking sighs
she wonders why, eyes run dry

On perfection she relies
her perfection, a disguise
those who fail are her allies
this horrid truth she can't deny

Now she watches from the skies
all those hurt she can't advise
those whose pain leads to demise
it takes true pain to realize
in death, life can never be revised

masksrlife
Member

since 2008-03-26

Posts 109
Canada

1 posted 2008-04-11 05:47 PM

Hey, I really really liked this poem! It very will written and i exspesially liked these two stanzas

Did you see it in her eyes
the burning hate, the awful lies
she breaks down, and sobs and cries
as she lifts her razor high

All her laughs an artful guise
all this pain leads to demise
crimson relief, choking sighs
she wonders why, eyes run dry

realy enjoyed it.

*-crazycece-*

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

2 posted 2008-04-11 06:02 PM

good poem i dont think it should be taken off

JJ

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

3 posted 2008-04-11 09:46 PM

awww! thanks guys! i have been thinking and im pretty sure its ok to leave it so i guess i wont take it off.

anyway, im glad people like it!

now i must leave you for i am watching an uber awesome movie on tv. bi!

wisdomofthesword
Member

since 2007-12-17

Posts 224
the last place on earth

4 posted 2008-04-12 11:00 AM

i really like this a friend of mine committed suicide a few weeks ago and you just seemed to sum it up im not quite sure what it is but you did it any way great write

I don't care if you think I'm a fool but don't ever tell me so

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

5 posted 2008-04-12 11:30 AM

OMG she is back.. now he's m telling myself you wouldn't come back.. love your work Miss Jacki..

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

6 posted 2008-04-12 05:04 PM

this isn't going against the rules.. i think... this is really good!! i haven't seen you in a long time..hopefully you'll stay now lol.

~Zach~

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

7 posted 2008-04-12 06:33 PM

haha!!! im remembered! oh wonderful!!! yay!!!

ive been uber busy with school and such... ooh and that girl i wrote those old poems about...

ahh i love this place!!! noone judges me.

and spring breaks next week so ill be sure to post!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

8 posted 2008-04-13 05:34 PM

wow it sure has bee awhile

wb

I LOVE THIS

Krysti

ShawtySheFly
Member

since 2007-12-19

Posts 71
In his Elevator (LOL)

9 posted 2008-04-14 11:45 AM

i lke its really good

I.>ROCK"my<Converse^cuz%i'm`RETRO*likeDAT

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

10 posted 2008-04-14 05:38 PM

thanks everyone! and please, any suggestions dont be scared to share!

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