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Teen Poetry #8
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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-04-10 12:06 PM



Tonight a part of me died a little
As i broke down and cried
My little brother came home tonight
After his baby boy had died

I found him on our doorstep
His hands covered in blood
He was shaking from head to toe
His tears, they caused a flood

I didn’t know what to say
I hadn’t seen him in so long
I couldn’t help but give him a hug
And forget everything he’d done wrong

My lil bro left home months ago
Mum and dad were worried sick
But they still loved him very much
Whichever path of life he chose to pick


His just a baby himself you know
A boy of 15 years old
He was my baby brother
Who was shivering in the cold

His girlfriend you see was pregnant
Turns out she had a fall
He told me they lost the baby
As my back slid down the wall

The worst was yet to come
A tear was caught in my eye
She told him he wasn’t the father
And that it’d all been a lie

She told him she never loved him
That he’d be better off dead
When he refused to leave
She whacked him in the head

It’ll be okay little brother
I whisper in his ear
He tries to fake a smile
But it was soon replaced by a tear

He’s broken hearted and he’s bleeding
But he has been here before
It’s just another fragmented affliction
That he’s suffered from this war

We sat there for a while
I promised him it’d be okay
He rested his head on my shoulder
As i found the right words to say

“It’s okay to be sad
Because I’ll pick you up
I’ll bend your rules
And I’ll be your heart
I’ll bring you round
When you fall asleep
And I’ll break your fall
When you fall at my feet”


Nobody knows just how it will feel today
Nobody knows the right things to say
Nobody knows how much time the healing will take
Because nobody see's how hearts break

© Copyright 2008 A Typical Aussie Chick - All Rights Reserved
Newman
New Member
since 2008-04-10
Posts 5

1 posted 2008-04-10 01:31 PM


very say and hard hitting. very strong.
hiddensmiles
Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514
at the beach... i wish
2 posted 2008-04-10 11:20 PM


yes i agree very sad, strong and hard hitting, Great!

JJ

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
3 posted 2008-04-11 12:58 PM


ohhh Jess.. such a sad and meaningful poem.. love it.
Krysti

wisdomofthesword
Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224
the last place on earth
4 posted 2008-04-11 05:15 AM


really sad but great poem

I don't care if you think I'm a fool but don't ever tell me so

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
5 posted 2008-04-11 06:05 AM


Thankyou guys.. Comments are very much appreciated.
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891
Neverland
6 posted 2008-04-11 10:46 PM


Love the poem. I hope everything's okay, or will be in time.

   {~~*~~}

{&}Love*liesOfBeauty~[NowColdInMyHand]
{`~Emily~`}

Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois
7 posted 2008-04-12 05:19 PM


im gunna be honest with ya' im not one to cry that easily and yet i still did. i've had this happen to my older bro not exactly like your poem went. *my brother didn't get hit on the head*
But it happened the same way. she said she loved him but didn't they were really close. one night she told the truth and he came home that night in tears. it was really sad and i had to comfort him since my parents might blow the whole situation out of proportion. So  iwas left there with him holding and helping him... this was really dramatic for me cuz i was 10 at the time he was 17...

I know i shouldn't be telling you all this cuz its not that importent but it feels good to get that all out in the open...

But this poem really is good and emotional.. i like it yet i don't want to remember what happened that night.. you know what i mean?    


~Zach~



Jaki H
Member
since 2008-01-19
Posts 232
NJ, USA
8 posted 2008-04-12 06:39 PM


oh wow! thats so sad!!!! really good as always! there was one part that was kind of different from the rest but i dont think it was different in a bad way so its ok... anyhoo really nice poem!

masksrlife
Member
since 2008-03-26
Posts 109
Canada
9 posted 2008-04-12 09:30 PM


WOW! this poem is so strong and like JJ so hard hitting i loved it. It was so sad Very good.

*-crazycece-*

surf_painter
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434
Canada
10 posted 2008-04-14 08:31 PM


such a mournful poem, so tragic and sad.
for some constructive critism though.. some lines didn't seem to work as others did

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