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Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106

0 posted 2007-06-23 11:41 PM

This used to have a different last line but it was too personal to post online. It's still a very emotional poem for me so please don't be too harsh.

I hate myself for telling you
That I’ve missed your smile.
You took it as me asking you
To please stay a while.

But that’s not what I meant.
Your body was not enough for me.
I need to find out where your emotion went,
Because your feelings are gone, as far as I can see.

Always asking me to do something I didn’t want to,
But yet I’d go against what I believed.
I knew that I couldn’t live without you.
And still you caused my heart to be deceived.

You were never enough for my mind,
I read too far into what you said.
I wish you could have been more kind,
But instead you left me hanging by a thread.

You’ll never know what it’s like to feel love’s bind,
Because you are a dead, heartless soul.
Our bodies can now unwind.
All I'll ever want is to again feel whole.

Sad_eyed_girl
New Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 8

1 posted 2007-06-23 11:55 PM

I think alot of people will think its great and alot of people know how u feel. I think ur an excellnt writer.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2007-06-24 01:27 AM

"Always asking me to do something I didn’t want to,
But yet I’d go against what I believed.
I knew that I couldn’t live without you.
And still you caused my heart to be deceived"

any time anyone asks you to do things you know are not right and go against what you believe in, then they are no good...and they do not care for or respect you. When they start that, that is a good time to run the other way.

very heartfelt writng.

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

3 posted 2007-06-26 07:05 PM

that was amazinfg and very emotional just the right mix of both good job

Gifted
Member

since 2007-06-26

Posts 140
Caribbean

4 posted 2007-06-26 08:05 PM

It's a very nice poem, and I understand completely what you are talking about. However, the second stanza seemed forced. It didn't flow to well.

"You were never enough for my mind,
I read too far into what you said.
I wish you could have been more kind,
But instead you left me hanging by a thread."

This is my favorite stanza, don't know why. Good job overall.

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

5 posted 2007-10-25 10:55 PM

wow this one is really good loved it!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2007-10-26 01:20 AM

I hate myself for telling you
That I’ve missed your smile.
You took it as me asking you
To please stay a while.~

Wow this was just amazing I loved every word hope to read more soon.
Krysti

latteaddict213

Senior Member

since 2006-02-17

Posts 523
Colorado

7 posted 2007-10-26 08:06 AM

i loved every line..
i read it a few times just to make sure
i got it all..this whole poem hit the nerves..cuz all of us must have at least felt sumthin similar to this in our lifes..incredible..props
¢¾jess

Alaina
Member

since 2007-06-16

Posts 106

8 posted 2007-10-26 11:35 PM

thank you so much!

I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why can't it be mine?
-Eddie Vedder

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