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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2008-02-20 09:37 PM

The rain will not come
What have you done?

You hurt me inside well knowing...
what you were doing but never showing.

The storm, the rage
Your ripped it out like a page

You planned this whole charade
My pain cascade

---------------------------------------------------
Okay guys this isn't my best. I was just writing what ever rhymed with the next line. And i was insipired by this picture above. ^^^ And in my poem when i ment "it" i ment my heart or soul which ever you think fits.

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2008-02-20 10:21 PM

Just a sudgestion...at the one part where it says "you ripped it out like a page" maybe u could add "of my life" or "of my life story" thats just what I would have done. But anyway.. good poem i also like the picture, it reminds me of a song.

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2008-02-20 11:08 PM

Zach!*chides yooh lightly* this wuz a great poem sooo none of this not my best.. i actually loved it!!! hehe
Krysti

crimsonXnails
Member

since 2008-02-10

Posts 108
dark/little/heavan.:*:.

3 posted 2008-02-20 11:10 PM

hey hey,
i agree with Kristy, and like i told you befor, don't sell yourself short. it's beautiful! (love the pic to)
!Tracey!

if you can touch me, i know i'm still only dying

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

4 posted 2008-02-21 10:07 AM

WOW!

Wonderful Image you got there!-- I do like

Your Imagery in your post here. Perfect

Picture for a Perfect Post!

ARCTIC WIND

effjayel
Senior Member

since 2007-09-30

Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity

5 posted 2008-02-21 10:27 AM

The boy done good....!I'm watching & liking, keep it up Zach ( cool pic too)

John

"Ignorance is the Enemy...."

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

6 posted 2008-02-21 11:12 AM

Forever Broken. that would make sence but it would sort of ruin the flow of the poem. But thanks for your sugestion! i appreteate your honesty

~Zach~

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