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Teen Poetry #8

not today

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2006-10-10 12:42 PM

for once i wish i could write a carefree poem,
one that takes me far from home,
but i can't, not yet,

maybe soon i can show you all,
what it's like to rise and not fall,
i might, when i'm set,

i miss those day when life was grand,
and my teardrops didn't fall like sand,
but thet do, right now,

to get high on life as in the past,
on hopes and dreams i thought would last,
i just don't know how,

maybe soon i can show myself,
the broken life of somebody else,
but i can't not today.

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

1 posted 2006-10-10 12:07 PM

thet? Sand?*what?

seemed unfinished to me, it could use alot more, i liked it so far, but cant judge because it just seems like there is something missing

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

2 posted 2006-10-11 11:04 AM

Something is missing...

for once i wish i could write a carefree poem,
one that takes me far from home,
but i can't, not yet,

I wish this at time too.

You put so much feeling into you're work.
I'm alway's looking for something new!

Hugs and Hershey bars coming you're way!

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