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pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

0 posted 2006-10-05 09:00 PM

The needle tears a hole
Upon this heart of black,
Full of lonely thoughts
I can not take back.

I carry on my day,
As the darkness passes by,
I can not take my mind off you,
No matter how hard I try.

You have cursed me to no end,
With that captivating look,
Now my heart is stuck on you,
My feelings can not be shook.

The ghost of my past
Is haunting me once more,
And it is all because of you,
Of that I am sure.

So before The needle digs too deep,
These words I must say:
You were the one that killed me inside,
On that unimaginable day.

Ok I know this poem is probably really confusing to most people, and it does not seem that good, but what I wrote it on is a very long and complicated story.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

1 posted 2006-10-07 10:39 AM

Honestly? It's not that complicated. I really understand what you were saying. (It's sounds so sad)

I carry on my day,
As the darkness passes by,
I can not take my mind off you,
No matter how hard I try.

I know how that feels...
You've done a wonderful job of expressing yourself!

Very good!

~Kira

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-10-08 01:15 AM

i think i understand this i really liked it too

So before The needle digs too deep,
These words I must say:
You were the one that killed me inside,
On that unimaginable day.

good post...
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Triskaidekaphobia
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

3 posted 2006-10-08 12:45 PM

Do I detect a fan of NIN's Hurt?

Still I enjoyed this a lot.

"The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun."

One God by The Beautiful South

pip_man
Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 70
Canada

4 posted 2006-10-08 01:07 PM

You are right I love hurt, but to tell you the truth I like it better by Johnny Cash. I was inspired to write this poem when I listened to that song, and the first stanzas has a couple lines from it. Thanks for the reasponses everybody.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
Jimi Hendrix

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2006-10-10 12:11 PM

"The ghost of my past
Is haunting me once more,
And it is all because of you,
Of that I am sure."

I liked this one! I can see where you get the inspiration from the song; I also like JC's version better.

I thought it was neat where I could read your poem yet make out the song yet have it be different all at the same time. I think you did a good job in writing this poem.

Thanks for sharing!

"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->---

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